Friday Photo Dump

Here's what I've been up to lately...

This is Scarlett movin' and groovin' in the womb, 2.0. A little over a month ago, I shared a video of one tiny kick here.  If you compare it to the video above, you can see how much bigger she's gotten, and how much more pronounced her movements have become.  If I'm sitting still or laying still, movements like this are pretty much constant. ...until someone else tries to see it or feel it!  She must be shy. (The focus in the video is a little off, so it's easier to see if it's not full screen).

A couple of weeks ago, my sister-in-law Diana graduated with her bachelor's in early childhood education!  This is a picture at her graduation party.  When Luke and I started dating, she was in middle school!  Time has flown by, and it has been fun watching her grow up.  We are so proud of her!

I had my first Menchie's trip of the spring with Luke and JC on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.  This was pomegranate raspberry tart yogurt topped with fruit.  It pretty much made my day.

Speaking of frozen, sweet treats, my mom and I had a frozen strawberry lemonade the other day after an intense shopping day out. I had so much fun spending the day with my mom, buying baby things and finishing up my registry!  ...I needed a picture to commemorate the day.

Last weekend, our friend Doug celebrated his 30th birthday.  We had a little surprise bonfire party to celebrate.  It was a great night spent with friends.  I can't believe so many of us will be celebrating our 30th birthdays in the next couple of years!  I still feel about 22.

 The week before Mother's Day, my sisters (in-law) and I went to "Hot Pots," a pottery painting place.  It was fun, and I painted my mom a little flower pot for Mother's Day.  I can't wait until Scarlett is old enough to take!  I think we'll spend lots of mother-daughter dates here in a few years. 

A friend from church gave me a flower for Mother's Day.  I thought it was so sweet!

I guess this is braggy, but I survived what my professor dubbed "the semester from hell" with all As!  Even my clinic supervisor, whom I was sure hated me in the beginning and thought I was hopeless, gave me an A.  I really tried to take her constructive criticism to heart, and she said she thought I improved 100% over the semester.  It feels good to have those 15 weeks behind me!

Speaking of school, I had a week-long literacy seminar this week.  It was a required class, and it was Monday - Thursday, 9:00 - 4:30 every day.  I had been dreading it all year, to be honest, because who wants to sit in the same class for 7.5 hours?  They were long days, but I did learn a lot.  We had 1 big group project to complete for this class, and 4 days to complete it.  Each group was given a case study about a client, and we had to plan therapy goals and activities for 1 month of therapy.  We also had to make all the materials we were going to use in the activities.  Oh, and also?  On top of that, we had to choose one material, and make 40 of them to pass out to the entire class.  Well anyway, my group worked really hard on the materials we made for the whole class.  The picture you see above is our final project after being tweaked and revised at least 50 times.  We call it our "sound scavenger," and it can be used to find letters in books, with matching pictures that start with each letter to promote phonemic awareness.  The pencil tip can also be used as a pointer to teach the one-to-one ratio of spoken word to printed word.  And there are a bunch of other uses, but I'll leave it at that.  We spent hours and hours constructing these, because we had cut out every letter picture and glue all 26 of them on, 40 times (n-z are on the back).  But, we were pretty excited about the final result, and our professor told us there is a commercial version that is being sold, but ours is better!  We totally thought we should try to patent and sell them.  Anyway, that was a long story, that no one but me probably cares about.  But yeah, it was a long week to say the least!  I'm ready to relax a bit this weekend!

Happy Friday!

30 Week Bumpdate

The Bump:

I'm not exactly sure how I have 10 more weeks to grow.  I feel huge.

Milestones:

I am officially 3/4 of the way through this pregnancy.  

We are in the home stretch. It's just a matter of Scarlett putting some meat on her bones, and fine-tuning survival behaviors like breathing and swallowing so she's ready for life on the outside.  She probably weighs around 3 lbs.

Girlfriend's got some strong movements going on!  She has actually made me wince a few times.  Especially when she kicks/punches straight down.  Ouch.

Symptoms:

• Pretty excruciating backaches that come and go, mostly in the evenings after I've been sitting for a long time.
• Mild swelling in my feet when I'm on them a lot during the day
• Waking up at least twice in the night, because, to quote Rachel from Friends, "Apparently this baby thinks that my bladder is a squeeze toy."
• However, I think it is a huge praise that I have not had trouble sleeping at all during this entire pregnancy.  I know insomnia is a common symptom of late pregnancy, and I am still going strong with my sleeping, so hopefully I can keep it up for 10 more weeks!

Cravings: 

• At least 2-3 times a week I cook some chicken in the oven and cover it in cheese and salsa.  Then I serve it over rice mixed with more salsa, sour cream, black beans, and corn.  I would eat it every day if I could.  I guess it's my own version of a Chipotle burrito bowl.

Fun Stuff:

• The nursery is really coming along!  I'm finishing up a few projects, my mom is finishing up the crib bedding, and besides that, I'm about done with all I can do until my showers!  Below is a picture of some alphabet cards I found for FREE on Pinterest.  I just printed them on card stock and cut out, clipped them to some twine with small clothespins, and I'm waiting for Luke to hang it on the wall.  I found it HERE.  (There are some great freebies on that website!)
  
• Luke and I have decided to take our childbirth classes online through our hospital.  I can't wait to start!  Although the whole thing kind of freaks me out, making the "big day" feel close and very real.

There are up to 10 more weeks until Scarlett gets here (I refuse to believe that it might possibly be MORE than 10 weeks)!  My mind is blown thinking about how our life will change.  A tiny piece of me is a little sad to see all of our freedom go, but we've had 9 years together just the two of us. I'm ready to bring another member into our family!

Dear Scarlett,

I can't believe there are only 2.5 months left until we meet you!  It seems like just yesterday I was leaning over the toilet, literally spilling my guts, feeling like the hard part would never end. 

Not that this part isn't hard too...you are currently making my feet swell up like balloons by the end of every day, and you had me in tears while driving home from Akron the other day because your favorite spot seems to be planting yourself on what I think must be a bundle of nerves in the lower left side of my back.  But the truth is, even though I use the "pregnant lady" license to complain every now and again, I would do it all over again a million times to have you in my life!

I've been busy lately getting ready for your arrival.  On Monday, your Grandma and I went out shopping for material to use in your crib bedding, and we finished up your registry.  Every little item we picked out made me more and more anxious to meet you! 

 

We also went shopping for some clothes.  We found your first bathing suit!  You'll have to wait until next summer to wear it, but I have a feeling we'll be spending all of our spare time at Grandma and Grandpa's pool in the summer of '14, so I'm sure we'll get a lot of use out of it.  

You are also now ready for this fall as far is your dad is concerned, because I found this nice Ohio State jacket for you.  I'm afraid you are already an Ohio State fan, and I don't think you have much say in the matter.  You were born into it.

I must say, I think I've gone a little overboard shopping for clothes for you in the past week.  I wonder if you will be as girly as your mama, and if you'll love shopping for girly things as much as I do.

 I have so many questions about you!  Who will you look like?  Will you be tall like your daddy?  Will you have my curly hair?  What will your personality be like? What about your interests?  Will you be a piano player or a drummer?  A dancer or an athlete?  Maybe an artist like your Aunt Julie?  I can't wait to get to know every little part of you as you grow.

I've been busy getting your nursery together.  with every project, I imagine what it will be like to lay you to sleep for your first night in your crib.  I can't wait to hold you in my arms while I rock you, sing to you, smell your sweet baby smell, and watch you fall asleep. I can't wait to read to you and watch you grow.  I am terribly overwhelmed at the thought of being your mother.  But God knows what He's doing, and I know he picked your dad and I to be your parents, just as He picked you to be our daughter.

I can't wait to meet you!  I still have a million things to do before you get here, but I hope time moves quickly!  We have been waiting a very long time to meet you! 

Love,

Mom

Friday Photo Dump

I am in a good mood this morning!  Yesterday was my last day of class for what I've been told is the most difficult semester of grad school in my program.  I have an online final to complete, and one day at my clinical placement left, and then I'll be officially done!  ...for a week.  I still have a week-long literacy seminar, and a month-long fluency (stuttering) class to take this summer before I get a real break.  But it feels good to be on this side of the semester.  My classes this semester included voice, neurogenic disorders, dysphagia (swallowing disorders), and articulation & phonological disorders.  Whoever decided that 4 of the most content-loaded classes should be taken during the same semester apparently had some anger to take out on innocent grad students.  But I survived it, and it wasn't all bad.  

Anyway, I have my last day of clinicals with some adorable preschoolers that I'm really going to miss next Wednesday.  But aside from that, I have no major plans for the next 10 days.  The forecast looks just about perfect for this weekend and next week, and I'm pretty much feeling on top of the world.  I hope to work on some nursery projects and spend the entire week enjoying this pregnancy and focusing on Scarlett and her upcoming arrival!  I feel like I haven't been able to fully do that in the past 15 weeks because I've been so busy.

Hopefully with the extra time I'll have in the next week, I'll be able to blog a little more often.  I thought I'd start with my Friday photo dump since I haven't done one in awhile.

 

 A few weeks ago I tried a Pinterest manicure.  Pinterest picture above on the left, and  mine on the right.  I just used the bottom end of a paintbrush to make the polka dots.  I don't know if I'm too old to pull off polka dots or not, but it turned out better than I thought it would!

My mom bought this stuffed animal for Scarlett just minutes before I told her I was pregnant.  True story.  My mom just had a feeling that's what we were coming over to tell her.  Anyway, here Gabby is stalking it.  We may need to teach the cats about boundaries before July...Scarlett is not even here yet, and doesn't have any siblings, and she's already having to share her toys.  Not fair.

Luke is in a small basketball league at our church and plays on Monday nights.  Here he is getting the rebound!  It was fun to watch him play, but the league was pretty aggressive, and I was terrified he was going to really hurt himself every time he played.  So I'm secretly kind of glad the season ended last week.  Bring on the softball season!

Life of an SLP grad student.  I kind of love it.

Gabby's specialty is finding weird places to hang out.  I'm always amazed at the tight spaces she can fit into.

I had my glucose test last Friday.  I passed!  This is the gross drink I had to chug beforehand.  It wasn't pleasant, but definitely not as bad as I was expecting.

Th cats' new favorite pastime: to lay on the nursery carpet in the sun every morning.  They lay there until about noon when the pools of sunlight have disappeared, and then move to either the couches or the bed.  Ahh, the life of a cat.  I think mine sleep at least 20 hours a day.  One of my professors shares useless trivia with us every class just for fun, and this week we learned that giraffes sleep just 20 minutes each day.  A friend from class posted on Facebook that she would call them "giraffe naps" from now on instead of "cat naps."  I have to agree that that makes much more sense.  I don't know where the term "cat nap" came from, but unless you're planning on napping for at least a 4-hour block of time, that is probably not an accurate name.  

Speaking of cat naps....while Gabby's specialty is to find weird places to take them, Ellie's specialty is finding the most uncomfortable positions for them.  

Last Saturday, my church had a women's retreat for the day.  The theme was joy.  We had a great speaker, and it was great to just refresh and get some encouragement!  We all got notebooks to take notes in during the session, and then we got to decorate them.  

On Tuesday night I took a nice walk with my cousin Sarah as she pushed Hudson and Hadley in her double stroller.  (Whom I accidentally called "Hudley" last night while talking to my mom.  New nickname for the pair of them, Sarah?  ;-))  Anyway, it was a beautiful evening!  I just had to snap a picture.  I can't wait until Scarlett is here and I can walk her around the neighborhood in her stroller!

Another cat picture.  I just can't help it.  They melt my heart with cuteness.  (I am such an annoying cat-mom).  Anyway, if I leave the doors of my wardrobe open for more than 4.2 seconds, Ellie likes to jump in and burrow behind my neat piles of clothes, completely messing them up.  

Yesterday was Luke's 29th birthday!  Everyone keeps saying to him, "Only 1 more year of being young!" Yikes. I asked him what he wanted to do for his birthday, and he said, "nothing."  How boring, right?  I figured I'd just make him some ice cream and cake and keep it low key, and next year we'll do it up big.  We had lots of visitors last night to wish him a happy birthday, even though we hadn't had anything "formal" planned.  I think he had a good day!  

At my wedding shower, my mother-in-law gave me a recipe box full of Luke's favorite recipes.  One of them was for homemade chocolate cake and frosting.  Baking a cake from scratch always seemed so daunting for me, and I've been afraid to try it. But I thought I better practice now, so I'll be able to make one for Scarlett on her birthdays (and future children too).  So I came home yesterday from my last day of class and nervously threw the ingredients together, praying the whole time that I wouldn't mess it up! And somehow it all came together okay.  While I was baking I couldn't help but imagine Scarlett helping me bake a birthday cake for Daddy in a few years, and thought my heart was going to explode from happiness.  

Luke got an ice cream maker for Christmas a year or so ago, so I decided to make some homemade ice cream too.  I wanted to make mint, Oreo ice cream, but overdid it with the mint a bit.  It wasn't terrible, but definitely could have been better.  If I was going to mess something up, I'm glad it was the ice cream, and not the cake!

That about sums up the past few weeks in my world!  Spring has been good this year, regardless of how long it took to get here!  I feel so blessed, and can't wait to see what the next few weeks have in store!

28 Week Bumpdate

The Bump:

Comparison:

I certainly feel like I've popped...some more!  She's about the size of an eggplant, and I have started getting the "when are you due?" question from strangers.  

Milestones:

I am officially in the third trimester. I still can't believe we have less than three months until my due date.  I've reached the point where my doctor's visits have gone from once a month to once every two weeks.

Symptoms:

• Fatigue is returning, similar to how I felt in first trimester.  I kept saying I never thought it went away, but now that it's back with a vengeance, I realize it actually did get better during the second trimester.  But it's a lot easier to deal with without nausea and vomiting, too!
• Still occasional heartburn
• Still having Braxton Hicks contractions, but it's either less often, or I'm just getting used to them and not noticing them as much.
• back and foot pain

Cravings:

• Ice cream
• Had my first craving for watermelon the other day, and felt like a true, cliche, pregnant lady.

Fun stuff:

• Luke and I basically finished registering today.  There are a few more things I'll probably add, and I'm sure I'll change my mind about some things, but the bulk of that overwhelming job is taken care of!
• We've made a lot of nursery progress.  We finished painting, replaced the ugly fluorescent lights with a  new light/ceiling fan, and had carpet installed (thanks to my in-laws for all their help!)  I'm getting lots of little details and accents put together, and loving every minute of it!  Today, Luke put her wall decal up above the crib, and I am in love! Again, we found it here.

• Scarlett got a Sophie teether from some family friends.  These are just the cutest things ever.  And now I feel like a hip and trendy future mom.  Ha!

What a fun (and probably painful and uncomfortable...) 12 weeks we have in store before Scarlett's arrival.  Now it's time for finishing up the nursery, showers, birthing classes, and last-minute freaking out!  Bring it, third trimester! 

When Mother's Day Hurts

June will mark 3 years of waiting for a baby for Luke and I.  And luckily at that point we will only be one month out from meeting our daughter.  But I'm just saying that to show that I am no stranger to waiting for a baby.

I still don't know why God made us wait so long for a baby.  Nor do I know why he chose to bless us with this pregnancy at a time I least expected it.  Chalk it up to His mysterious ways, and His perfect timing.

I am so beyond thrilled that we are so close to meeting Scarlett, but there has been a tiny, dark cloud over my entire pregnancy.  And that is the fact that I have friends, blog friends and in-real-life friends, who are still waiting on their miracle baby.  I can't fully be excited when I have friends who are hurting so much while they wait.  My own period of waiting has given me a heart for these women.  

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, and I didn't want it to pass without acknowledging the women who are struggling with this disease.  

I also wanted to address the fact that Mother's Day is just a few weeks away.  It's not a happy holiday for everyone.  

Last year, I wrote a post the day after Mother's Day, about how it had gone fantastically and I hadn't felt discontent at all.  

What I hadn't bargained for was a few hours after writing that post, having one of the most alienating experiences of my entire life at a mother-daughter banquet.  

Actually, it wasn't a "mother-daughter banquet."  Our church makes a big deal of calling it a "Daughters of the King" banquet.  That way, every woman feels welcome, whether she has children or not; or whether she has a mother or not.  Usually it's just a fun night to come together, have a catered dinner, and listen to an inspiring speaker.  

Last year the banquet started out great.  I sat at a table with my mom, grandma, aunt, cousins, and a few friends, and we had a great time visiting.  

I wasn't ready for what happened when we entered the sanctuary to hear the speaker, though.  She started out with some funny jokes and anecdotes about motherhood -- how hard it is, and how it takes such a special type of person to be a mother.  In the first five minutes I was choking back tears.  On and on she went about motherhood, and how it was the most difficult and rewarding job anyone could ever be blessed with.  

I was kicking myself for sitting in the front with my friends, instead of in the back with my mom and grandma.  As I felt the hot tears sting my cheeks I felt like everyone was watching me.  I desperately wanted to sneak out of the sanctuary, but didn't want to draw attention to myself.  I felt trapped.  

Her sermon was like the culmination of two years of mourning while waiting to become a mother.  It made me wonder why God didn't think I was ready for this wonderful, difficult, life-changing job.  It made me think there was something so wrong with me, and as I said earlier, it was probably the most alienated I have ever felt in my life as I sat in a room full of so many mothers.  On top of it all was a layer of guilt for having such selfish feelings.

I somehow got my feelings in check, and made myself stop listening to her words for the remainder of the service.  But as I left the room and saw my mom, I started bawling, right there in the middle of everything in the church lobby.  I could not pull myself together.  Luckily I think my grandma and mom were the only ones who saw me crying.  I just left as quickly as possible so I could go home and cry in private.

I am crying fresh tears today remembering how much it hurt.  I know the speaker had only good intentions in preaching about motherhood, but listening to her words was one of the most painful hours of my life. 

I never posted about this experience because it made me feel guilty and immature.  For a long time, I never understood why her words hurt me so badly.  But looking back on it almost a year later, I know that it was okay for me to have those feelings.  And I'm posting it today to show you a little bit about what it's like for someone who is struggling with infertility around Mother's Day.  

I can only imagine the pain is probably equal for someone who has lost a mother, or who doesn't have a good relationship with theirs.  

So if you have a friend who is struggling with infertility, give her an extra hug on May 12.  Send her a text, and let her know you are praying for her.  Be careful about what you share about your own Mother's Day, because it can be like salt in a wound to someone who wants to be a mother more than anything else in the world.

And if you are struggling with infertility this Mother's Day, know that it's okay to be sad.  Don't make yourself feel guilty on top of all the grief.  I don't often advise skipping church, but this might be the one day a year it's okay to have special one-on-one worship time with the Lord at your kitchen table or on your front porch where you won't have to watch the baby dedications, or listen to sermons about motherhood.  Know that there are people who are praying for you, and God has a perfect plan for your life! 

I really believe that Mother's Day will always be a bittersweet day for me.  Obviously I am so excited to be celebrating my first Mother's Day in 2014 with an almost one-year-old.  But I believe that day will also serve as a reminder of the pain I experienced during Mother's Days while waiting, and as a reminder of all my friends who are still struggling with this ugly disease.  

In the end, I know that God has grieved over every tear I've ever shed over this situation, and I have faith that He will use every bit of pain I experienced for His glory.  

To Fear or Surrender

There is nothing I wanted more in this world than to become a mom.  and I am so blessed that my dream is coming true in a mere 3 months!

However, if I've learned anything in the past 6 months, I've learned that bringing a child into this world brings fear like I never would have imagined. 

For one thing, I already feel like I would do anything to prevent Scarlett from ever getting hurt - physically or emotionally.  

Let's even talk about my cats for a moment.  There have been a few rare occasions when I have accidentally caused them physical pain.  Like the time Ellie was hiding under the bed when I was making it, and I stepped on her tail, causing her to jump up and hit her head on the metal part of our bed frame.  She yelped and ran across the house, and I frantically ran after her to scoop her up and try to make her feel better.  You guys, I even shed a few tears because I felt so bad.  Luke thinks I act ridiculous when things like that happen.  But it's just an innate part of my nature: I want to nurture things.  I want to take the pain away.  

Lately I've been thinking about Scarlett.  As much as I wish I could shield her from pain, I know that is impossible.  She will get scraped and bruised.  She will be betrayed by friends.  She will have her heart broken.  And as much as I wish this wasn't true, I'm sure I will be the cause of her pain at times, too.  

But being afraid of all the pain Scarlett has ahead of her is just the tip of the iceberg.  There's another aspect of this whole parenthood thing that really scares me.  And that is that I have helped to create a human, and 50% of her DNA came directly from me.

Gulp.

Nothing has ever made all of my shortcomings seem so crystal clear.

I find myself praying things like, "God, please don't let Scarlett be timid like me."  "Don't let her be as selfish as I am."  "You can give her my curly hair [she's going to hate me for that when she's 13!] or my girly-ness  but please not my freckles or my awkwardness.  Please don't give her my terrible eyesight or my height.  Or my tendency to worry to the point of making myself sick."

Unfortunately, I don't think it works like that.  I don't think we get to pick and choose the characteristics we pass on to our children.  And while there are certainly traits of mine that I hope Scarlett does not get because I know they've made my own life more difficult, God is the one who's in control of her life.  Not me. I'm sure He has created her with so many sweet traits, and some not-so-desirable ones too.  Because we are human, and we are not perfect.  But God can use our imperfections for His glory, and I pray that He will do that with Scarlett. 

I've been wrestling with these thoughts and fears for weeks, and I had finally felt a peace about it all.  And then the other day I was scrolling through Facebook when I saw post after post about the Boston Marathon.  As the horrific details unfolded, I felt the tears streaming down my face.  And for the second time, I felt a little selfish for wanted to bring another human being into this evil, fallen world.  

(The first time I felt that way was on December 14 -- Sandy Hook).

If the world is this corrupt now, what will it be like when Scarlett is my age?  What will she have to deal with?

It's terrifying if you let yourself think about it too much.

But then God reminded me that, yes, we live in a fallen, sinful world.  

However, we are all made in the image of God.  And for every tragedy happens, there are hundreds of thousands...maybe even millions of people praying over the situation, and doing whatever they can to help.

There is still plenty of good in this world.  And as Scarlett's mother, it is my job to help her find it.  Once again, it goes back to the fact that she is a child of God.  No matter what she faces in this life, He is with her, and He will protect her.  He has a plan for her life.  I am just here to push her in the right direction, and teach her what she needs to know.  

In light of all of that, there is no fear that has any validity.  I might as well stop with the "what ifs" and embrace the fact that I have a powerful God that can answer that question a million times over.

He is the answer.  So I am ready to let go of all these fears! 

Now, I wonder how many times I will have to re-read this post to give myself a pep-talk, as Scarlett and her future siblings grow?  Ha!  If only surrender was a one-time thing.  But I find it to be more of a daily decision.  Here's to many, many days of making that decision as we begin this journey of parenthood in a few months!