I hope it didn't come across as me begging for more comments. Because that's really not what the whole thing was about. I was talking about how I feel awkward in life, in general, because I'm baby-less. Haha!
It is so great to know that I am not the only one who feels this way! And I appreciate what some of you non-mommies said: that we need to appreciate THIS season in life. Lately I've been so focused on the next season, that I haven't really been savoring this one. It's like rushing through a favorite meal to get to the dessert: you miss a lot of great flavors! :-)
The other day I saw a link to this post (check it out...it's one of my new favorite blogs) and read it. I thought it was sweet, and I let a few tears escape, and then I kind of forgot about it.
But then the other night at church (just a few hours after I wrote my last post), the band played "He Loves Us." One of my favorite songs. A little girl caught my eye during the song. She was probably about 4 or 5 years old, and she was dancing as if no one was watching. She was twirling and jumping and it was just one of the sweetest things I have seen. As I watched her dance, I thought about that post (read it and you will see why). In that moment, I knew that in God's eyes, I am that little girl. I may mess up; I may be insecure; I may be in a not-so-fun spot right now, but God sees past that, and loves me anyway.
As she danced, I thought about the verse that is referenced in that post: "The Lord your God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with His love. He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17
It was a special moment. God wants to watch me dance through life. He takes delight in me. He wants to quiet my fears and my crazy life with His love.
In that moment at church, I felt more loved than I think I ever have before. It was amazing. I could just feel the Holy Spirit working in my heart, letting me know that I don't have to feel awkward in this place right now.
I don't have to be jealous because others have what I want so badly!
I don't have to be worried about my future.
He loves me more than I can even comprehend. I am His daughter, and He loves me so much, He died for me.
Nothing else matters when I dwell on this. I don't feel left behind anymore.
I've been struggling lately because it frustrates me so much that Satan seems to know us so well, and can so easily and sneakily get in our life and destroy it like a cancer, without even being noticed until it is too late.
But God knows us better, even, than that. He knew that I needed to hear from Him that night, and He spoke to me through a blog post, and a little girl dancing.
How is He speaking to you today?
*****************This was a total stream of consciousness post, so I hope you were able to follow it! But Monday night was the kind of experience that I never want to forget!