10 Things Nobody Told Me

...Or "Things people told me, but I didn't take them seriously enough."

1. You will feel like you got hit by a semi truck the day after you give birth. I know people say that expression a lot to explain how they felt when they had a cold or worked out a little too hard the day before.  But no, really, you will feel like you got hit by a semi.  I had been taking 800 mg Motrin pills all day the day after Scarlett was born for the pain, and decided to see if I could go without one that evening.  The last pill had worn off, and I leaned forward to get out of the bed to use the restroom.  I gasped as the pain hit me, and I realized I literally couldn't even get out of bed.  Obviously, I immediately paged the nurse and told her to give me the drugs!  Also, postpartum recovery is no joke. All those horror stories you've ever heard about it?  They're all true.  Every single one. 

2. Breastfeeding is simultaneously the most frustrating thing I've ever done, and also the most empowering and rewarding thing.  It has resulted in hours of crying, for both Scarlett and I.  But now that we're getting the hang of it, it is the most cherished part of my day. 

3. As a new parent, you will Google questions about the color, frequency, and consistency of your baby's poop. 

4. You will cry.  All the time.  Usually for no reason. 

5.  You will have trouble sharing your baby.  No matter how much time you spend alone with her, you will get jealous when you pass her off to someone else.  Even if it's your husband, sometimes.  (It's possible that this is just me.  And I think the fact that I know my days alone with her are numbered since I'm going back to school is not helping). 

6.  The nursery will never, ever, ever look as nice and clean as when you first set it up.

7.  Your infant will wear at least 3 outfits each day, because she will inevitably get spit up, pee, or poop all over everything.  Always bring a change of clothes for baby with you.  I repeat:  always bring a change of clothes!

8.  My mom was right.  About everything.

9.  You will do everything you swore you would never do.  

10. Motherhood is not glamorous.  It's a struggle for me to get a shower most days.  I've had baby poop leak out onto my t-shirt, and 3 minutes later while changing the baby, I've been projectile vomited on.  I've had as many as 4 bodily fluids on me at one time that weren't even my own.  My house has never been messier.  I haven't had more than 3 hours of sleep at a time in 4 weeks. 

But it's all totally worth it!  The sweet moments completely erase the bad ones.  I'm so excited for this little life.  I can't wait for her to experience all that God has in store for her!  I'm still blown away by how blessed I am to be her mom.

Scarlett's Birth Story - Part 3

Part 1
Part 2

I left off in my last post right after they had given me the epidural, I had started having extreme neck pain due to the epidural being inserted too far (a wet tap), and they were worried about Scarlett's heart rate.

Apparently they remedied the problem of Scarlett's heart rate dipping too low by having me lay on my side, and switching sides back and forth every once in awhile (I have no idea why this worked).  No big deal, right?  Wrong.  The neck pain that had started when they gave me the epidural was now excruciating.  I was having muscle spasms, and although they were not as painful as the contractions I had been feeling, they were close.  So anyway, every time I had to switch sides, it was extremely painful.  The nurse basically had to flip me over herself, because I couldn't move my legs, my shoulders, or my neck.

Oh yeah, I should add that after they gave me the epidural, my progress stopped, and I remained at 4-5 centimeters for probably 5 or 6 hours.  

Our families were in the waiting room, and I think they were all getting restless at this time. 

Sometime in late afternoon, there was another shift change, and the new nurse -- the one who would help deliver Scarlett -- came in.  I think I was puking for the second time when she came in.  Very glamorous, let me tell you.  Luckily, this nurse was even better than the last one, and was so amazing during her shift!

Things get a little fuzzy here too.  I was so exhausted after laboring for so long.  My neck and shoulders were in extreme pain, which the nurse finally admitted might be because I had a "wet tap" while they inserted the epidural.  I was hungry.  So I was basically just sleeping as much as I possibly could.  I actually think I got in a pretty good nap at one point.  I only woke up when the nurse came to roll me from one side to the other. And when she gave me fresh ice packs for my neck.  Funny story -- I later found out that these packs were actually frozen pads for postpartum recovery. Whatever works, I guess.

Like I said, this part is fuzzy.  But at some point in the early evening - maybe around 5:30 or 6, I began progressing pretty rapidly.  However, the nurse was very concerned about what we were going to do once I started pushing.  She saw how much pain my neck and shoulders were in, and knew it would not be easy for me to push.  So she called my OB to work on a plan. 

The plan was to "labor down" as much as possible (I will explain this in a minute), and then deliver the baby via vacuum extraction.

When she told me about the vacuum extraction, something inside me snapped.  I didn't say anything out loud, but I became determined to have this baby without the help of a vacuum.  I was frustrated that instead of having a natural childbirth, I had basically taken every possible drug.  I was frustrated that I had been induced at all, because I knew the induction was the reason this labor had been so unbelievably terrible.  I was mad that everything felt so out-of-control.  Well, this was something I could control.  I didn't care how painful it was, I was going to deliver this baby without the final intervention of the vacuum extractor. 

So anyway, back to "laboring down."  This is basically just relaxing through contractions, positioning yourself in a way where gravity is in your favor, and letting your body take over to bring the baby down without actually pushing.  At this point, the epidural was wearing off on the left side, and I could definitely feel every contraction.  But this part of labor felt very productive, so it wasn't too bad.

The nurse actually had me try a couple of different positions to get the baby to move down, and to make me progress faster.  I was impressed, because these were positions I had read about in my books about natural childbirth, and not something I expected the hospital to do. 

The first position we tried was where she had me sit on all fours.  It was ridiculous trying to get into that position, because I literally could not move my legs, and again, the neck and shoulder pain were debilitating.  Luke and the nurse basically had to turn me over, and then Luke had to sit behind me and hold my feet to make sure I didn't fall.  

This position was not easy to get into, but it helped me progress a lot!  This is one of the reasons I loved this nurse -- she was very proactive, and not afraid to try things to make labor move more quickly.  I really felt like she went above and beyond.

After the all fours position, they turned me back over, and tipped the bed up so that I was almost straight up.  At least that's how it felt.  I sat in this position for an hour two, laboring down, and letting my body do it was made to do. 

Sometime around 7 or 7:30, I was fully dilated, and we started talking about pushing.  My nurse explained several possible positions that I could try because of my neck pain.  She was explaining to me that they would call my OB now, and start pushing soon.  While she was explaining this, I just remember saying, "Um, it feels like she's like, RIGHT THERE."  the nurse checked, and sure enough, she was crowning. 

The nurse quickly called the doctor, and I then started pushing!  Like I said before, I was determined to do this myself without the help of the vacuum.  My epidural had worn off a lot on my left side, and laboring down had become pretty painful.  But as soon as I started pushing through contractions, it was not painful anymore.  At least not in the same way.  It felt so productive and even empowering, and I was just willing to do anything to get Scarlett here already!!  The worst part was actually the pain in my neck and shoulders.  I had to sit through a few contractions because the neck spasms were rendering me unable to move the top half of my body. 

After about 20 minutes of pushing, my OB showed up.  She actually was impressed by how hard I was pushing, and I'm glad I proved to her that I wasn't going to need the vacuum.

After about 20 more minutes of pushing, I knew we were close.  One big contraction came, and I just remember thinking, "This is it.  I'm not doing this anymore.  She is going to be born before I have one more contraction."  And with that, her head was out.  Even with the epidural I felt the extreme pressure and pain.  I think the contraction had just about ended when her head was out, but my doctor just kept telling me to push.  With one more push, out came her shoulders and the rest of her.  The nurse put her on my chest almost immediately, and I can't even explain the feelings I was having in that moment.  It was like an out-of-body experience.  3 years of waiting, and just like that, she was in my arms.  What a miracle!  

The nurse then took Scarlett to clean her off, while my doctor stitched me up.  It felt like an eternity before everyone was done, and I was able to hold her again!  

About an hour or so after she was born, Scarlett's grandparents came back to meet her:

And after that, her aunts and uncles came back too:

3 years of waiting to meet our baby girl.  9 long months of carrying her. 36 hours and 20 minutes of labor from the beginning of contractions until she was delivered.  Neck spasms and a 10-day, migraine-like headache thanks to the problems administering the epidural. It was all the hardest thing I've ever done, but worth every minute.  

...it just might be awhile before I'm ready to do it all again!  Ha!

Scarlett's Birth Story - Part 2

Part 1

I left off in my last post when I had just finished 20 hours of contractions due to two rounds of Cervidil, and I had dilated to "a fingertip." I was so over it, and wanting this to be over!

Around this time is when my least favorite nurse of our entire hospital stay started her shift.  I had been waiting in anticipation to hear what my OB had said we would do next.  Without much of an introduction, the nurse started hooking something up to my IV.  I asked her what my doctor had said to do.  "We're starting the pit."  Well thanks for filling me in before going ahead and starting it.

This is where things get a little fuzzy.  My husband and mom can correct me if I have any of this wrong.  Anyway, as soon as the Pitocin was started, The contractions immediately got stronger.  They were still manageable, but they were more painful, lasted longer, and were closer together.  I started having a harder time talking through them.  I'd rate them as a 7 on the pain scale.  

At some point around 7 AM (I think?), my progress was checked.  And I had progressed to 4 centimeters!  How encouraging!  Maybe this labor wasn't going to last forever after all! (Although at that point, it already felt like it had!)

I was still unsure whether I would get an epidural or not.  Like I said, the pain was bad, but not unbearable.  So when the nurse came in and offered me some Stadol to take the edge off the pain, I agreed. My thinking was that maybe if I got the Stadol, I wouldn't have to have the epidural.  Plus, the pain was getting pretty intense.  I asked her what the drug did, and she said it would take my pain level down.  

While (not before) she was hooking the Stadol up to my IV she mentioned that the drug "might cause a bit of drowsiness." She then said she'd be back to check on me soon. 

Immediately after she left the room, it started spinning.  It literally felt like my bed was spinning circles around the room.  I started freaking out and telling Luke that something was wrong.  It took a good 5 minutes or so for the room to stop spinning.  By that time my mom had arrived, but I was freaking out.  I was not prepared for the drug to make me feel the way it did.  I was feeling dizzy and drowsy.  I knew I was acting drunk.  I couldn't even walk myself to the restroom because I couldn't stand up straight.  It was helping my pain, but probably not worth the side effects.  At this point I was not happy with my nurse for not filling me in on the possible side effects beforehand, especially since I had asked. 

I remember at some point that the nurse was supposed to give us an update on what my doctor wanted to do next.  I wasn't "with it" enough, but either my mom or Luke asked her what the doctor had said after waiting a long time for the news.  The nurse's response, "I told you, they're going to break her water."  My mom and Luke informed her that she hadn't, in fact, told them.  I think they were super annoyed, but my mind was too foggy to even comprehend what was going on.

Luckily, right before they broke my water (I think it was around 9 AM at this point), there was a shift  change, and my new nurse was amazing.  Praise the Lord!  Because seriously, the nurse has everything to do with how your experience in labor and delivery goes.  

I believe it was also around this time that I vomited due to the intensity of the pain.  I am one of those lucky people who throws up when I'm in a lot of pain.  You really do lose all dignity in labor.  That is one of the few things I had never done in front of Luke until that day.  Luckily I was in too much pain to be embarrassed. 

My mind was foggy when the doctor came in to break my water.  I just remember it being very painful because my cervix was so high.  And it was the strangest feeling when it broke!  

After that, I came back to reality and the fuzziness cleared very quickly, because the pain was enough to snap me out of it.  Immediately after my water broke, the contractions became so painful I thought I would die.  The nurse asked if I was going to want an epidural, and I told her I wasn't sure yet.  I think it was just a couple contractions later when she saw me gripping the side of the bed ("trying to break off the side of the bed" in Luke's words) and writhing in pain, that she asked me again, "Think you want to epidural yet?"  I answered her quickly with a "yes."  I knew I just couldn't do it.  She told me that we'd have to pump me with fluids before they would be able to give me the epidural.  She told me it would take about a half hour.  and she also said, "getting an epidural makes you sane." That made me feel a bit better.

Luke really thought my contractions looked like a roller coaster

That "half hour" was actually more like an hour in reality.  This was the hardest, longest hour of labor and delivery.  I wish I could even begin to describe the pain I was feeling.  Just waves of pain that started in my abdomen, but radiated down the tops of legs.  I told Luke it felt like someone was holding my uterus in a vice and trying to rip it out of my body.  I really feel like the pain level would have been the same.  I tried to relax and do some breathing exercises, like I had read about, but the pain just took over, and I couldn't control anything I was doing.  Mostly I just grabbed the side of the bed and held as hard as I could while moaning and saying things like, "I'm going to die,"  "I want to die," and "we are adopting the rest of our kids!"  Luke said this part was horrible for him, because he just had to watch me, and there was nothing he could do to make the pain go away.  

Finally the anesthesiologist came in to give me an epidural!  This part was weird, because they made Luke leave the room.   The anesthesiologist had two other people with him, and the nurse had an over-peppy intern with her who  liked to talk to me and ask me questions while I was having a contraction.  I wanted to punch her. Just being real.  Anyway, it felt like we had quite the full house for the epidural.  And the 10 or 15 minutes that they were giving me the epidural were the worst 10 or 15 minutes of labor, and here's why: I had three contractions while they were giving it to me.  This means I was expected to curl my back out and keep my neck tucked and shoulders straight while I was having a contraction.  This was nearly impossible.  Thank goodness for the sweet nurse who calmed me down, and let me hold her hands during each one.  I'm afraid I probably broke some fingers, but it really did help.  Another reason the epidural was the worst part was because apparently the girl who inserted it was a medical student -- something they hadn't informed me of before she gave me the epidural.  Is that even legal?  Because it shouldn't be.  Anyway, the student inserted the epidural in the wrong spot, so she had to do it twice. I should mention that they also didn't tell this to me until after I had delivered Scarlett.  She also caused a "wet tap," but I will get to that later.  

As they laid me down after giving me the epidural, I noticed that back of my neck and shoulders were extremely stiff, and seemed to be in a lot of pain.  I thought it was probably just because I had been so tense while they administered the epidural.

Luckily, the pain was fading fast.  I was completely numb by the second contraction I had after they gave me the epidural. I think Luke and my mom thought I got a lot more pleasant after that. At first it was really nice, and I was enjoying not even feeling my contractions at all. I believe they started the internal monitors at this point too.  But then I noticed that there were still a lot of people in the room, and they seemed a little worried.  Scarlett's heart rate was doing some weird things.  I think it was partly that they couldn't get an accurate read on the monitors, but also because Scarlett's heartrate kept dropping.  I completely lost it at this point and just started bawling.  If things weren't going well for me, I could deal with that.  But if there was a problem with the baby, that is another story entirely.  

{ Part 3 coming soon }

Scarlett's Birth Story - Part 1

This is the story of how Scarlett came into this world.

My doctor decided to induce me due to Scarlett's small size, and the fact that she hadn't gained much weight in two weeks.  At my ultrasound two weeks ago, they estimated that she weighed about 5 lbs, 10 oz.  

I spent Tuesday making final preparations around the house and packing for our baby girl's arrival.  I had the most surreal feeling all night, just knowing that we were about to meet our baby girl! And knowing that getting her here probably wasn't going to be easy.  

Luke and I left the house at 5:15 AM on Wednesday, July 10.  We arrived at the hospital and checked in.  We were brought to a big, spacious delivery room where a nurse inserted my IV of fluids.  Then the nurse looked at my chart and saw that I was beginning Cervidil, and not Pitocin that morning.  So we had to leave the nice, big room, and were escorted to triage, AKA prison. Luke and I were pretty annoyed that they hadn't looked at my chart beforehand, but we were just ready to get this show on the road!

Let me just explain the triage room a bit before I move on.  There were three of these little cubicles parallel to one another, with a curtain on the open end, and a shared bathroom.  Nurses and doctors were coming in and out all day long.  The giant automatic entrance doors to the labor and delivery unit that were in serious need of some WD-40 were right outside our door. Luke had an uncomfortable chair to spend the entire day in.  At first, it didn't seem too bad.  But by the end of the evening, we were both about to lose our minds!  I wanted to get some sleep, knowing I had some hard work ahead of me.  But with all the noise, it was nearly impossible.

Here we are in our triage closet room.  Last picture as a family of 2! I look pretty rough and swollen here...

Anyway, back to Wednesday morning.  At 8:00, a doctor came to insert the Cervidil and check my progress.  This was not a comfortable process, but not too painful either.  The doctor gave me false hope when he said, "You're doing great!  This is the worst part!"  Lies, lies, lies.  I wanted to say, "You're a man.  Your opinion is not valid."  He found that I had still not started progressing at all.  It was going to be a long day or two.

After the Cervidil was inserted, regular contractions started immediately.  Before long, they were 3 minutes apart on average.  I was so encouraged, thinking maybe the Cervidil was doing more than I had hoped!  Maybe I would go into labor on my own, and wouldn't even need Pitocin!  I spent the day watching Parks and Rec episodes with Luke as contractions got stronger and stronger.  The worst part was that being pregnant and pumped full of IV fluids, I had to use the restroom all the time.  Luke had to unhook the fetal monitors and wrap the cords around my neck every time.  And every time, I had to try to hold my hospital gown closed with one hand and role the IV machine with the other.    And then I had to try to pee with all of this equipment hooked up to me, and an IV in my hand.  It was such a hassle!

My mom, mother-in-law, and sister-in-law came to visit that afternoon, which helped break things up.  I had a few breakdowns because I was frustrated about being in the triage room, and I felt a little neglected by the nurses.  But by late afternoon, my contractions were getting pretty strong (or so I thought).  I really thought that at least something must be happening!  So at 8:00 PM, they removed the Cervidil and checked my progress...

NOTHING.  Nothing had happened after 12 hours.  

After the nurse broke the news to me, I immediately started bawling out of frustration.  The nurse called my OB, and she decided to let me eat and shower, and we'd start another round of Cervidil until 4AM.  

After eating a turkey sandwich, I felt pretty refreshed  I was still having strong-ish, regular contractions, too. And after that, a labor and delivery room opened up, so we got to leave triage!  We got settled into our room, and I got to take a shower.  But it wasn't that easy, because I had the IV in my hand.  So they had to cap off the IV and unhook me, and then tape a giant glove over it on my hand so I wouldn't get it wet.  It was hard showering with only 1 usable hand, but I felt a lot better afterward.  Then the nurse reinserted my IV, and somehow ended up dripping tons of my blood all over me and the floor and putting a kink in the IV hose, which then required copious amounts of tape to fix.  Just about every nurse, doctor, intern, and anesthesiologist commented on the crazy tape job on my hand during the next 24 hours.

A doctor came by around 10 and inserted another Cervidil.  Even though my contractions were strong, I was determined to get as much rest as possible, knowing I probably had a long day ahead of me.  I found that if I laid on my side, my contractions hurt much, much less.  So I laid on my side, and got a little bit of sleep.  Probably an hour or 2 of nonconsecutive sleep, total.  With nurses coming in and out all night, and having to unhook my fetal monitors everytime I had to use the restroom, I don't think Luke got much more sleep than I did. 

At 4:00 AM, my doctor had instructed for the Cervidil to be removed, and for me to be checked again.  I was so ready to be done with this part.  The contractions weren't unbearable, but they were getting painful.  I'd say probably a 4 out of 10 on the pain scale.  And I felt like it wasn't doing much good.  I was ready to get things going a little more.

The nurse removed the Cervidil and checked me at 4:00.  She said I was dilated a "fingertip."  After 20 hours of contracting -- a fingertip!  I half expected my OB to tell me I was going to need a c-section.  And honestly, I was so tired, weary, and hungry at that point, I kind of wanted her to.  

{ Part 2 coming sometime later this week.}

Introducing...

Scarlett Elise

Born July 11, 2013 

At 8:21 PM

5 lbs, 3 oz

19 inches long

  Reluctant to meet the world, she put her mama through 36 hours of labor.

 but it was love at first sight!

Happy Birthday, baby girl!

Ready or Not...

...Here she comes!

Okay, well I'm not in labor just yet.  Not even close, actually, as far as my body goes.  However, my doctor's appointment yesterday did not go quite as I had expected.  I think I was a little overconfident since Scarlett's non stress tests had been going so well, and I had been feeling her moving so much.

I had another growth ultrasound yesterday, and it showed that Scarlett had only grown approximately 5 ounces in 2 weeks.  In those 2 weeks, she dropped from the 22nd to the 12th percentile in weight.

My doctor indicated that although things might still be fine, there is a chance that my placenta is not working correctly, and not giving her the nourishment she needs.  She said it would be safer for the baby to be on the outside where we could ensure that she's getting enough to eat.

The plan is that they will induce me this week!  They will start Cervidil tomorrow (Wednesday) morning at 6:00 AM, and probably start Pitocin sometime Wednesday evening or Thursday morning, depending on how much I've progressed.  So chances are, Scarlett's birthday will be on Thursday or Friday, July 11th, or 12th (our wedding anniversary!)

Being induced is about the last thing in the world that I wanted.  I am preparing myself to labor for days with slow progress and long, painful contractions.  With a labor like that, my plan to go without an epidural will probably go out the window (although I'll still try and see how it goes).  I've been warned about the possibility of a c-section if labor doesn't progress quickly enough once they break my water.

My entire pregnancy I've studied natural childbirth and pain management techniques. Although I tried to keep an open mind, I was just pretty confident about how things would go since I had had such a boring pregnancy until a few weeks ago.  I trusted that God would make things happen at the right time, and that He would give me the strength to get through the most painful, exhausting experience of my life.

As it stands now, I have an even greater opportunity to let go and trust Him in the next few days.  There are a lot of different ways this could go.  Up until yesterday, it seems that most of the stories I'd heard about inductions were horror stories.  Labor that lasted for days with almost nothing to show for it.  Labors ending in c-sections.  Painful, long contractions.  However, yesterday people seemed to come out of the woodwork with stories of easy, quick inductions.  Inductions where the Cervidil put them into active labor, and Pitocin was not needed.  Stories where the baby was born 4 hours after Pitocin was started.  As my mom said, people are a lot more likely to share their horror stories than their boring, smooth, pleasant stories.  And while I am still trying to prepare myself for the worst, it is nice to hear that most of these horror stories I've heard are worst-case-scenario stories.

I admit that a lot of the information I studied during this pregnancy was probably a little biased, and anti-medicated birth.  I've read so much about the dangers of labor-inducing drugs, and pain-managing drugs.  I've read all about the needless inductions and even c-sections that doctors schedule for their own convenience.  And yes, there's a chance that this induction is unnecessary.  But as my mom pointed out yesterday, what if it's not?  To me, the chance that this labor and delivery will be long and difficult for me, and possibly stressful for Scarlett, is still better than the risk that she is not getting the nourishment she needs, and that I am putting her in a needlessly dangerous situation.  I know a lot of people consider induction to be a needlessly dangerous situation, but I hope no one feels the need to comment on that here!

I also want to point out that I totally trust my doctor's judgment.  When we were having trouble getting pregnant, I saw 4 different doctors in the span of a few months.  I finally visited my current doctor, and knew she was the perfect doctor for me.  I wrote about it in this post, and even said that I hoped she would be the doctor who delivered my babies someday.  It is so surreal to be at the point where, in a couple of days, she's going to.  I whole-heartedly believed that God led me to this particular doctor at that time, which is evidenced by that post I listed above.  And maybe this is why.  God was looking out for Scarlett even back then.  It gives me chills to think about it.

Anyway, that is where things stand!  I think I needed to write this post to sort through my own feelings about the situation.

And I have to admit, there are definitely some perks to being induced.  As I told Luke last night, I don't have to worry about going into the hospital, thinking I'm in active labor, and then being sent home.  I don't have to worry about my water breaking somewhere embarrassing.  I can check everything off of the to-do list beforehand without being caught off-guard.  We were able to change our schedules beforehand, and find people to fill in for our obligations for the days we will be in the hospital, which has been convenient.  I won't have to worry about not making it to the hospital in time.  I won't have to deal with the mental strain of wondering when I'll go into labor, or heaven forbid, being past-due.  She will come about a week-and-a-half early, meaning I'll have more time with her before classes begin in the fall.  And the best part?  I know she will be in my arms by the end of this week at the latest!  That alone makes everything else seem not-so-bad, because Luke and I cannot wait until she's here!

It was also nice to know that we had just a couple of days left, just Luke and I.  Since our 5-year anniversary is on Friday, we decided to celebrate it with a date last night.  We had a huge dinner at Carrabba's, complete with appetizers and desserts.  We had to go big during our last night out before the big day!

We also went to Babies R Us to pick up a few preemie outfits and sleepers.  I'm not sure if we'll need them, but I hate to think that she might not have any clothes that fit her!  I just want to be prepared.

After that, we bought a few last-minute hospital necessities, and headed home to relax. When we got home, there was a beautiful flower arrangement on the porch.  I still don't know who brought it!  But I'm guessing it was my sweet grandparents.  

Ignore Ellie's ear!  She loves smelling and inspecting the flowers, but has yet to bother them beyond that.

It really is amazing how everything we still needed to complete just sort of came together over the past few days.  We completed our online childbirth classes on Sunday night, I finally got a call from the hospital on Sunday as well to interview me about all of my preferences while we're there and during labor and delivery.  My mom finished the tiny "mattress" for Scarlett's cradle over the weekend, which we will need right when we get home.  Scarlett's diaper bag, which she received as a gift from a group of family friends, arrived on Monday (and I had so much fun filling it!)  Everything is just coming together, and I really can't think of anything pressing that still needs to be done. 

 I had fun filling her bag with the most frivolous items possible. I couldn't help it.

I am thankful for one more day to finish the laundry, and clean the house so everything's just right for our return with the newest member of our family!  Hopefully we will be home by Friday or Saturday.  I can't wait!

I will try to update the blog after she's born!  However, it might not happen until after we get home sometime. I can't believe I will have a baby the next time I write!  It's a very surreal feeling after waiting so long!  

Second Thoughts

...about my birth plan, not about Scarlett!

Before I became pregnant, I always thought I would get an epidural, no question.

And then I became pregnant and seriously thought about it.  For various reasons, I decided I wanted to try a natural delivery.  I wrote about it a bit in this post, but here are the main reasons I changed my mind:

• I've always heard that the more naturally you labor, the faster your recovery period will be.  
• I want to be able to feel the urge to push, and I want the pain to motivate me.
• I am hoping that refraining from interventions (including pitocin.  Pitocin is my biggest fear right now after hearing so many horror stories) will help my labor to move forward naturally and somewhat quickly. 
• It sounds crazy, but I just want to experience it.  I want to know what women have done for centuries before me.  
• I am no stranger to pain, and I feel like I have learned how to handle it.  I am pretty sure I have some form of IBD, and it just hasn't been diagnosed because I've never seen a specialist.  But for the past four years I've had stomach pain and cramping that I'm pretty sure is nearly as bad as labor pains.  With no cute baby to motivate me at the end.  Those of you who have actually given birth are probably laughing at me, but seriously...  This pain is no joke.  It has gotten point where I am curled up on the floor with chills and shaking and vomiting from the pain.  (If those pains come back after Scarlett is here, going to a specialist is definitely on the "to-do" list).  For now, I feel like it has given me good practice managing extreme pain. 
• I've heard only a few horror stories about epidurals gone wrong, but they were terrifying enough to scare me away from it a little bit. 

All those reasons were good and well until a few weeks ago when a few ladies on my birth month board on The Bump went into labor and delivered their babies already.  It made it very real that Scarlett's birth is getting so much closer, especially if she decides to come early.  I have made myself push my thoughts and fears about labor and delivery to the back of my mind this whole pregnancy since I am a natural worrier.  However, being within 2 months of delivering her, I feel like I need to prepare myself somewhat. 

I had heard some really great reviews about Ina May Gaskin's book, "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth."

via

Yesterday I downloaded it on my Kindle.  The first half of the book is all just birth stories of women who had 100% natural births at home or in birthing centers with midwives.  In the second half of the book, Ina May talks about the benefits of natural childbirth, and some tips.  

Late last night and early this morning, I read most of the birth stories.  And while I can't totally relate since I'm giving birth in a hospital with and OB, it was still empowering to read the stories.  Empowering and terrifying all at once.  I just wonder, can my body handle this?  What if I have back labor, or if labor lasts over 24 hours?  These women seem so strong, and I just don't know if I'm that strong.  Not to mention, they were all in situations where epidurals and other drugs were not available.  At my hospital, all I'll have to do is say the word, and an epidural will be delivered at the right time.  

Guys, I'm starting to second guess myself.  Not only that, but I wish I had never told anyone about my plans to try for a natural birth for Scarlett.  Now I'll feel like a failure if I get the epidural, and I'll have to tell everyone that I "failed."

I have a friend who is pregnant with her first baby, and due just a few months after me.  I asked her about her plans, and she said she fully intended to get the epidural.  "I wouldn't get a tooth pulled without Novocaine!"  She told me.  And that is a good point!  Are my reasons for wanting a natural birth good enough?  Or am I just subjecting myself to an unnecessary amount of pain, and being a glutton for punishment?

Will I?  Won't I?  The constant volleying back and forth of my thoughts is enough to drive me crazy.  

So here's my plan:  I'm still going to try it without an epidural, but I'm NOT going to punish myself if I have to ask for one.  My friend says that if I don't go into thinking that the option of an epidural is completely off the table, then I will cave and get one.  And that is probably true.  It is just so easy to ask for one in the middle of all that pain!  

So anyway, best case scenario?  I'll reach my goal of giving birth naturally, and I'll feel like a rockstar.

And worst case scenario?  I'll probably get a lot further into labor than I would have if I had just gone into it planning on getting the epidural.  That way, at least I won't get it too early and slow down labor (I've heard that if you can make it to about 5 centimeters without one, getting the epidural probably won't slow down labor). And you know what?  I waited for over 3 years to meet my sweet first baby from the point that we started praying and trying for her.  I went through 6 weeks of feeling like death constantly, and an additional 6 weeks of feeling like death occasionally (thank you morning sickness).   I carried her with my 6th-grade-girl-sized frame for what will be 9 months...so I'm still going to feel like a rockstar when it's all said and done, even if I can't do this naturally!

...Life is too short to start feeling mom guilt before I'm even technically a mom!  God is in control, and I'm handing this over to Him.  Whatever will be will be.  Worrying is not going to help.  Labor is coming, and there's nothing I can do to stop it!  

No matter what happens, I think Scarlett is enough motivation to get through anything.  As long as she is safe and healthy, nothing else really matters!

Birth Plans

You've all heard the saying, "We make plans, and God laughs."  Although I've always thought that quote makes God seem kind of condescending, I do agree with it.  Not in a "Haha, I'm going to have so much fun totally wrecking your plans.  You have no idea what's coming!"  kind of way. But more in an "I listen to your prayers and know your plans, but I can't wait to surprise you with my own perfect plan!"  kind of way.

In the past few years, I have learned first hand that this is true.  My plans were to get pregnant during the summer of 2010. Then I changed my plans to go to school and NOT get pregnant yet.  Well, God planned that I would not have a baby when I had planned, but that He was going to surprise me with one during the busiest time of my life!  And He laughed and laughed in giddy anticipation as He knew how much more JOY His plan would bring me.

Well anyway, speaking of plans, I thought it would be fun to share some of my plans for the birth and the baby.  I think it will be fun to actually see which plans we stick to, and which ones fly right out the window.  My goal in all this is to be as flexible as possible since there are so many unknowns!  Flexibility is not one of my strong suits, so I know God will use this to stretch me a bit!  Pun intended.

A couple of disclaimers:

1.  I am totally open to all opinions, and I am fascinated by all types of different prenatal, birth, and parenting philosophies.  Obviously, I have no clue what I'm doing when it comes to labor, delivery, or even taking care of a baby!  So these are just some ideas, and they are not meant to be judgmental at all to anyone who does things or plans on doing things differently.  I would also love to hear all of your ideas and thoughts especially if they're different from mine!  Again, I am so new to all of this, and just kind of testing the waters and trying to figure things out.

2.  I am still not even halfway through the pregnancy, and might change my plans before the baby gets here.  I plan on doing a lot more research before baby gets here.  So again, these are just loose ideas.

Okay, so here are our plans in the very early stages of things.

Finding out the Gender:
We are finding out on March 1!  We scheduled the appointment for 8:30 AM so we could wake up, go straight to the office, and probably be the first patients of the day, meaning a short wait time.  We are both not patient enough to wait 9 months.  I have such great respect for those who CAN wait all 9 months!  It would be so fun to be surprised!  But we want to pick out a for-sure name beforehand, buy girly or boyish clothes, and decorate the nursery accordingly (although I'm kind of into gender-neutral nurseries anyway.  More on that in a minute).  Also, for the record?  I am voting girl.

Little Peanut, are you a girl or a boy?  I can't wait to find out!  

Nursery Planning:

I seem to like gender-neutral colors with feminine or masculine touches.  I'm not into "themes" per se, although I've seen a few cute ones.  I tend to like vintage looking cribs and other furniture.  I think the whole alphabet wall thing is adorable, and a bookshelf or some kind of book nook is an essential. Here are some of my favorite nursery pictures from Pinterest:

Source: awelldressedhome.com via Jessica on Pinterest

Source: spearmintbaby.com via Jessica on Pinterest

Source: projectnursery.com via Jessica on Pinterest

The Birth:

Who:  Who will be in the delivery room?  Definitely Luke (obviously) and other than that, I'm not sure!  This is one of the undecideds.

What: What kind of birth will it be?  Well, I would like to go as naturally as possible!  Even I am a little surprised by that, because up until the time when I got pregnant, I always said I wanted an epidural.  But the more I think about it, the more I want to at least try it.  The choice of an epidural is definitely not off the table.  I will ask for one if I think it's necessary.  But again, I'd like to try this as naturally as possible.

Here's Why:

• I don't want to slow down the labor and delivery process.  I know that induction can lead to stronger, longer contractions, and much longer labor.  And an epidural can slow labor down. Honestly, I'm terrified of labor, and already anxious to meet this little guy or girl, so the faster he or she can get here, the better! (Once they're "fully cooked," of course!)
• I've also heard recovery is quicker the more naturally you go. 
• I know the pushing process will be easier without an epidural.  I had a friend who got one, and was pushing for such a long time because she couldn't feel anything, and couldn't time her pushing with the contractions.  This goes back to the whole "quick labor and delivery" thing.  Also, I feel like the pain will be a motivator for me to push harder and get it over with!  
• Women did it for thousands of years before drugs were even an option.  If they could do it, why not me?  God made my body for this purpose, and I think that is awesome!

When: When will the baby come?  Well, obviously, that is up to my body and the baby.  However, I do know that the only way I will agree to be induced is if it is absolutely medically necessary (as alluded to above).  

Where: Where will the baby be born?  I think those of you who can do a home birth or birth at a birthing center are rock stars!  But for me personally, I like the idea of having a whole medical staff at my disposal in case anything goes wrong.  The hospital where I will be delivering has one of the best neonatal intensive care units around, and this was a big plus for me when choosing a hospital. We haven't visited the hospital yet, but I am so excited to!  On their website they make it sound like a luxury getaway, with plush robes, spa services, a special dinner for 2 or a family pizza party after the birth. Ha! Ha haha.  I'm sure at that point I'll just be so enamored by the newborn that I've been waiting so long for, I won't care what the heck the hospital offers!  Just let me hold my miracle!  But it is fun to see how they want their new parents to feel special and comfortable (which I'm sure all hospitals do!)  It is such a weird feeling to be 100% terrified of an experiene and 100% excited about it at the same time.  I can't wait, and yet I want time to slow down.  What an oxymoron.

Umm, what about that little thing called "Grad School"?

Well, hmm.  Your guess is as good as mine here.  I know that my plan is to graduate, and to graduate on time!  But I've already talked about how our plans work.  This is probably the most up-in-the-air, uncontrollable, too-many-variables, unplannable aspect of this whole thing.  I was so nervous to talk to an administrator or supervisor at school about it.  I finally emailed our clinic supervisor about it last Friday, and she could not have been more sweet about it.  Tears of relief flowed down my cheeks as I read the email where she congratulated me, told me I was not allowed to panic, assured me that they've had pregnant women in the program before, and told me to stop by her office this week so we could chat about all those crazy variables and what to do about them!  Our program is year-round, although I do believe we have about a month off from the end of July to the end of August.  Since the baby is due July 22, that's actually pretty good timing.  So all I can do is find out my options, and do everything I can to graduate on time.  But I've already decided, if I have to take some time off, then so be it.  Now more than ever, my family is my #1 priority.  I've already cried hundreds of tears over the fact that I'm going to be so busy during my baby's first year of life.  I'm sure I will probably write a whole post about that at some point. I know that I'll be gone at my externship about 3 days a week next year, and I'll have night classes a few nights a week after that.  I am just so thankful that I have a husband who can take care of the baby most nights.  And we have so many family members and friends who have offered baby-sitting services.  We don't have a set plan as far as childcare goes, but I'm sure we can easily figure one out.  God has blessed us with the most amazing support system in the world in our family members and friends.  Every free second of my last year of school is going to be spent cuddling and loving on my baby.  But I'm glad that those many, many times that I'm not there, the baby will have so many loving people to do it while I can't!

I'll write a post at some point about our Baby Plans once he or she makes their grand entrance!