1. You will feel like you got hit by a semi truck the day after you give birth. I know people say that expression a lot to explain how they felt when they had a cold or worked out a little too hard the day before. But no, really, you will feel like you got hit by a semi. I had been taking 800 mg Motrin pills all day the day after Scarlett was born for the pain, and decided to see if I could go without one that evening. The last pill had worn off, and I leaned forward to get out of the bed to use the restroom. I gasped as the pain hit me, and I realized I literally couldn't even get out of bed. Obviously, I immediately paged the nurse and told her to give me the drugs! Also, postpartum recovery is no joke. All those horror stories you've ever heard about it? They're all true. Every single one.
2. Breastfeeding is simultaneously the most frustrating thing I've ever done, and also the most empowering and rewarding thing. It has resulted in hours of crying, for both Scarlett and I. But now that we're getting the hang of it, it is the most cherished part of my day.
3. As a new parent, you will Google questions about the color, frequency, and consistency of your baby's poop.
4. You will cry. All the time. Usually for no reason.
5. You will have trouble sharing your baby. No matter how much time you spend alone with her, you will get jealous when you pass her off to someone else. Even if it's your husband, sometimes. (It's possible that this is just me. And I think the fact that I know my days alone with her are numbered since I'm going back to school is not helping).
6. The nursery will never, ever, ever look as nice and clean as when you first set it up.
7. Your infant will wear at least 3 outfits each day, because she will inevitably get spit up, pee, or poop all over everything. Always bring a change of clothes for baby with you. I repeat: always bring a change of clothes!
8. My mom was right. About everything.
9. You will do everything you swore you would never do.
10. Motherhood is not glamorous. It's a struggle for me to get a shower most days. I've had baby poop leak out onto my t-shirt, and 3 minutes later while changing the baby, I've been projectile vomited on. I've had as many as 4 bodily fluids on me at one time that weren't even my own. My house has never been messier. I haven't had more than 3 hours of sleep at a time in 4 weeks.