It really hit me on Thursday night, and I spent most of Thursday and Friday in tears, clutching onto my little girl like I was never going to see her again. I don't think I would be exaggerating in saying that this is one of the hardest things I've ever done. It would feel more natural to cut off my arm, because that feels like less a part of me than she does at this point.
Dramatic much? Maybe, but this is really hard! She's only 6 weeks old! Luckily I think I got most of my crying out already. I know God is giving me a peace in this situation. My schedule isn't horrible, and I know she will be in great hands while I'm not with her, either staying with Luke's family or mine.
I just have to keep telling myself that I am doing this to give Scarlett a better life. To be able to move out into the country someday where she can run and play to her heart's content. To be a role model for her as a woman who can go out into the world and help people each day to help provide for her family. Would I much rather be a stay-at-home-mom and never have to leave her? Yes. But that's more for my sake than hers. I know God has plans for me, and I want to surrender to His will!
I think that's all I'll say about the subject right now. I really do feel a peace about the situation, and I'm excited for the semester ahead. If I dwell on it too much, I might go back to being depressed, and I don't want that! I'll leave with a few recent pictures of Scarlett. Because, why not?
Trying her robe after bathtime
With Aunt Julie
I bought her this onesie for Luke for Father's Day. It finally fits!
This is one of my favorite outfits of hers. She wore it for a girls day out with me and my mom last week
...And some outtakes of her crazy faces
Speaking of faces, she has been so expressive lately with her face, she keeps us pretty entertained all the time!
Here she is in her 'jammies. I think you can tell here that she got Daddy's height! < 3rd percentile for weight, 51st percentile for length! she is one long, skinny lady! She'll be happy if that keeps up when she's older!
Quite possibly my favorite picture of her to date:
And last but not least, we officially have a smiler! She's been smiling in her sleep pretty much since birth, but we got her first real, social smile about a week ago, when she was 5 weeks old. So the past 7 days have basically been spent doing nothing but trying to make her smile! Ignore the flower in the middle of her head. I'm a little OCD about where I like her flowers and bows on the side of her head.
I hear the little lady waking up now, so I will sign off! I'm not sure what posting will be like during the semester, but hopefully I'll at least muster up a post or two each week. Happy Sunday!
She is so adorable! I know, it's so hard to leave your baby for the first time, but what a HUGE blessing to be able to leave her with family! I feel so much better going to work knowing the kids are with my mom.
ReplyDeleteYou can do it! I will be praying for you during this time of transition though. And I totally understand about the bow thing- I only put them on the side on the girls because I feel like it looks like a unicorns horn otherwise, ha!
ReplyDeleteI've been missing your updates, Jess! I look for them every day. Love all the pics of Scarlett. :)
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