Thursday, August 8, 2013

Scarlett's Lullabye

Scarlett and I have been having a tiring couple of days.  In the past 36 hours, I have barely left the couch because I feel like I've been constantly feeding her.  I can't figure out if she's going through a growth spurt, or just needs the comfort of nursing, but girlfriend has been working me overtime.  Last night when Luke got home and Scarlett finally finished a feeding, I immediately put her in Luke's arms and left the house headed for fast food, because I had barely been able to eat all day, and wanted to get out and get some food before Scarlett woke up and decided she was still hungry!

Last night Scarlett was up every 1.5 - 2 hours for an hour-long feeding each time.  This is pretty normal, but when Luke leaves for work, I usually put her in bed with me and we cuddle and sleep for another 2-3 hours.  I usually love this special time, just the two of us.  But apparently the little lady was up and raring to go at 6 today, and would have no part in our extra morning snooze.

All morning she has been fussy and hungry!  I tried to put her down a few times so I could eat, get dressed, and for heaven sake, brush my teeth already!  (I gave up on the idea of a shower hours ago).  Every time she would doze off, I'd lay her down, and she'd start to whimper.  The whimpers would quickly escalate to guttural cries, the likes of which I would never expect to come from a creature who barely weighs more than a bag of sugar.

I'm not a cruel person, and I do not believe a 4-week old is old enough to cry it out.  So each time I'd pick her up, comfort her, eventually feed her again, and try to put her back down.  A vicious cycle.

Finally it was closing in on 1:30, and I still hadn't so much as brushed my teeth.  (Her infant carrier has weight minimum of 8 lbs, so I'm really looking forward to her fitting into it in the next couple of months so I can carry her and be hands free!)  I was getting frustrated to say the least!  I finally decided we would just go in the nursery, stop worrying about what time it was and what I hadn't accomplished yet today, and rock.

I pulled her close and rested my cheek on her soft, peach-fuzz hair.  I turned a lullabye station on Pandora, and just focused on cuddling my baby girl.  She was still restless.  Then one of my favorite songs of all time came on: "Make You Feel My Love," Adele's version.

All through my pregnancy whenever I heard this song, I sang it to the little life growing inside of me.  

My favorite line says, "I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.  Nothing that I wouldn't do.  Go to the ends of the earth for you.  To make you feel my love."  Singing those words to her after our tough couple of days brought everything back into perspective.  I can't even describe the love I feel for this tiny baby.  I literally would do anything for her.  

As I rocked Scarlett and sang the words to her, I remembered all those months of waiting where I imagined rocking my baby to sleep someday.  Back then I wondered if that day would ever come.  And here I was today, totally unaware of what a profound gift and blessing it is that Scarlett needs me so much.  Today.  As I sang each word I felt her little limbs relax, and eventually her body went limp in my arms.  Tears were streaming down my face as I finished the song.  I thanked God for opening my eyes and reminding me what a special time this is, and what special memories these are. 

A couple months before Scarlett was born, our worship leader sang this song during a Night of Worship at our church because he said the song describes how the Lord feels about us.  The Lord has blown me away since having Scarlett, because I have these moments where I feel like I love her so much that I'm going to explode.  Like my body can't handle the magnitude of what I'm feeling.  And each time I have a moment like that, I am reminded that my love for Scarlett is only a tiny fraction of the love that God has for each one of us.  

He would and already has done everything for us.  He died for us.  For our sins even.  I hope you never doubt that you are loved!  Beyond any earthly love you could ever imagine! 


  1. this is beautiful and I am right there with you! I've spent many nights on the recliner in our living room because i feel like it's easier than getting up to get her every hour! and I had such a similar experience. I was exhausted walking with her the other morning at 5;00 crying because i was so tired. and then realizing that i've been waiting for these days for a long time and what a miracle she is. (but also realizing it's okay to say it's hard and exhausting! :) hang in there mama! you're doing great!

  2. I loved this post. Sometimes I catch myself feeling exasperated and irritated... but then I realize that THESE are the days I've waited all my life for. And, goodness, they sure are fleeting.

  3. Love this! Enjoy those times when she is quiet in your arms! They are fleeting.

  4. One of my favorite songs. So glad you are loving mommyhood sweet friend and that you got a couple extra weeks added in there for snuggles before schools starts.

  5. I LOVE this post. Everything you said is so true. That's one of the biggest things that surprised me after Wyatt was born, just how strongly that mother-love hit me, and it is the same for Gwen.


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