Last night Scarlett was up every 1.5 - 2 hours for an hour-long feeding each time. This is pretty normal, but when Luke leaves for work, I usually put her in bed with me and we cuddle and sleep for another 2-3 hours. I usually love this special time, just the two of us. But apparently the little lady was up and raring to go at 6 today, and would have no part in our extra morning snooze.
All morning she has been fussy and hungry! I tried to put her down a few times so I could eat, get dressed, and for heaven sake, brush my teeth already! (I gave up on the idea of a shower hours ago). Every time she would doze off, I'd lay her down, and she'd start to whimper. The whimpers would quickly escalate to guttural cries, the likes of which I would never expect to come from a creature who barely weighs more than a bag of sugar.
I'm not a cruel person, and I do not believe a 4-week old is old enough to cry it out. So each time I'd pick her up, comfort her, eventually feed her again, and try to put her back down. A vicious cycle.
Finally it was closing in on 1:30, and I still hadn't so much as brushed my teeth. (Her infant carrier has weight minimum of 8 lbs, so I'm really looking forward to her fitting into it in the next couple of months so I can carry her and be hands free!) I was getting frustrated to say the least! I finally decided we would just go in the nursery, stop worrying about what time it was and what I hadn't accomplished yet today, and rock.
I pulled her close and rested my cheek on her soft, peach-fuzz hair. I turned a lullabye station on Pandora, and just focused on cuddling my baby girl. She was still restless. Then one of my favorite songs of all time came on: "Make You Feel My Love," Adele's version.
All through my pregnancy whenever I heard this song, I sang it to the little life growing inside of me.
My favorite line says, "I could make you happy, make your dreams come true. Nothing that I wouldn't do. Go to the ends of the earth for you. To make you feel my love." Singing those words to her after our tough couple of days brought everything back into perspective. I can't even describe the love I feel for this tiny baby. I literally would do anything for her.
As I rocked Scarlett and sang the words to her, I remembered all those months of waiting where I imagined rocking my baby to sleep someday. Back then I wondered if that day would ever come. And here I was today, totally unaware of what a profound gift and blessing it is that Scarlett needs me so much. Today. As I sang each word I felt her little limbs relax, and eventually her body went limp in my arms. Tears were streaming down my face as I finished the song. I thanked God for opening my eyes and reminding me what a special time this is, and what special memories these are.
A couple months before Scarlett was born, our worship leader sang this song during a Night of Worship at our church because he said the song describes how the Lord feels about us. The Lord has blown me away since having Scarlett, because I have these moments where I feel like I love her so much that I'm going to explode. Like my body can't handle the magnitude of what I'm feeling. And each time I have a moment like that, I am reminded that my love for Scarlett is only a tiny fraction of the love that God has for each one of us.
He would and already has done everything for us. He died for us. For our sins even. I hope you never doubt that you are loved! Beyond any earthly love you could ever imagine!