Wednesday, February 17, 2010

You Might be...

You've all probably heard Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck" jokes. Well, today I decided to write my own version: You Might be an Ohioan (you could probably replace Ohioan for Midwesterner as well). And please no Ohio jokes about the fact that if we're Ohioans, we're probably rednecks. I will disagree with you...we're not ALL rednecks, anyway :-P But I digress...

Anyway, this post isn't so much funny as it is just my way of blowing off steam because I'm mad at the weather. I've officially reached my limit, and the winter blues have set in. I'm feeling slightly depressed, and venting helps :-P

You might be an Ohian if you risk your life every time you walk beside your house due to giant, human-killing ice spears just waiting to fall on your head:

You might be an Ohioan if you eat snow every morning as it blows in your face while you brush the 4 inches of it off of your car.

You might be an Ohioan if you forget what things like grass and sunshine look like.

If you are constantly changing your socks upon returning home, because you accidentally stepped in some of the 8 pounds of snow that fell off of your shoes as you walked through the door, you might be an Ohioan.

If you have bumps and bruises all over your body and don't know where they came from, they're probably from all those times when you slipped and fell on the ice. And you're probably an Ohioan.

If you have gotten in a car accident because you couldn't see over the piles of plowed snow that are two times the height of your car as you blindly pulled out of your driveway, you might be an Ohioan.

You are probably and Ohioan if your car has ever gotten stuck in the middle of the highway with your tires spinning because you got there before the plows did. And of course there is always a line of 20 cars behind you, your face is flaming red in embarrassment, and you are simultaneously having a panic attack due to your horrible winter driving anxiety (okay, maybe this one's just me :-P)

If you have visited anytime in the past three weeks and have constantly seen the little orange or red box that says "Winter Weather Advisory" or "Winter Storm Watch" inside, no matter what time of day or night, you might be from Ohio.

You are probably an Ohioan if you've ever walked into the grocery store with snowy shoes, stomped on the rug to get the snow off of your shoes, and then been promptly splashed in the eye with dirty parking lot snow-water because the rug has been soaking up hundreds of peoples' dirty shoe snow all day, and it's so wet that the water is literally running off of it, but you didn't notice because you were blinded by the snow that was just blowing in your face outside and all you care about is getting inside out of the snow and promptly drying off your shoes so you don't go skidding and skating across the slick floor. (How's that for a run-on sentence??)

I think I'll leave it at that, although that doesn't even begin to get into all the negatives about this crap. Can you tell I've been a little jaded by the weather as of late? Yeah, I no longer have a good attitude about winter. Although I must say, I held out for a pretty long time! It officially took me until February 17 before I cracked. And that may be a new record for me!

However, if you live somewhere where it's above 60 degrees right now...heck, if you live somewhere where it's above 40 degrees right now, I pretty much hate you. You simply do not understand what it's like to live in this, and I hate you for that.

Just kidding, of course I don't hate you! But I am hopelessly jealous, and seriously pondering the question of WHY I don't live where YOU live right now.

For the record, I don't know what it's like to live somewhere where it gets well above 100 degrees as the norm during the summer. BUT, I can't imagine it being worse than this, and I really think I would trade this for that in a heartbeat. I lived in Belize for week and even got severe heat exhaustion...and it was better than THIS! :-P

I apologize for my general negativity and nastiness in this post. I promise to post something uplifting and happy next time!


  1. I'm glad you don't really hate me! You're welcome to come visit! With my husband gone for military training, I've got tons of space and time to introduce you to Florida!

  2. It looks soooooo cold where you live!

  3. Oh my!! Sounds cold!! LOL, those are hilarious though!

  4. I admit, I too am very very very tired of this snow.

  5. I'm sick of the cold and snow too! Love this post, so funny!

  6. I'm sorry the weather out there is getting you down! Hmmm, well, if you're from my state you won't forget what sunshine looks like, because we get a ton of sunshine, even in the winter, but grass doesn't make it's appearance until about May (if we're lucky), so I might have you beat there!


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