Home

Today marks exactly 3 years since Luke and I became homeowners and moved into our very first house.

Our house actually has 3 apartments in it. We own the house, but rent out two of the apartments and live in the third one. It's a pretty amazing situation, and we are very blessed.

Anyway, back when we bought the house, we had a 5-year plan. We wanted to save up for a down payment on our forever house while we lived here. We then wanted to move into our dream house but keep this one, renting out the third apartment as well. At this point, I pictured us with one baby, but I knew we didn't have room for more than one baby here, so we'd have to move before we had another one. Hence the 5-year plan.

Well, you know what they say. We make plans and God laughs.

Our plan is not looking like it's going to come to fruition in any way, shape, or form. Instead of teaching, I'm going back to school for speech-language pathology. I'll be in school for 2.5 more years, so we won't be ready to move out at the 5-year mark. And we didn't realize our lemon of a VW Passat was going to eat up so much of our second home savings (We've been rid of the car for a year, and we're still paying for the repairs!! C'est la vie).

Since our plans aren't turning out the way we had originally thought they would, I've learned to be content. For a while, every time I thought about this house, the only things I could see were:

• it's lack of a dishwasher
• the 20-some steps we have to walk up to get into the house
• the teeny, tiny yard
• the fact that we have to share the house with other people and therefore we don't feel like we have the amount of privacy we would if we lived in a house by ourselves.
• the small kitchen and lack of counter space
• the lack of air-conditioning
• the fact that I live next door to a fire station. It's loud a lot. Especially on Saturdays at noon when they test the tornado alarm. Bane of my existence, right there.
• etc.

Around the time I decided to go back to school, I decided that I needed a major attitude adjustment about this house. Is it my dream house? No. But that doesn't mean I can't see it for the blessing that it is! Now when I look at our house, I see

A kitchen where I've:

• Learned to cook, and cooked hundreds of meals to enjoy with my husband
• Stolen so many kisses and asked for afternoon hugs from Luke after work
• Baked more cookies than you could ever imagine
• Washed and dried hundreds of hours worth of dishes while talking to God, singing, or pondering life.
• 

A bathroom where I've:

• Sung in the shower
• destressed in much-needed bubble baths
• Done loads and loads of laundry. Have I ever mentioned how much I love the smell of clean laundry? Because I do. Almost in an unnatural and extreme way. Therefore, laundry is my favorite chore. Don't even get me started on clean sheet day. Best day of the week!!! Clearly I am off on a tangent...

A dining room where I've:

• Shared romantic dinners with my husband
• Had deep conversations with friends
• Met with God most mornings with a cup of coffee or hot cocoa and a Bible and devotional in hand

A bedroom where I've:

• found a peaceful and comfortable haven every night with my favorite person. I try not to let my fears or worries enter this room, and God has blessed me with restful, sleep-ful nights just about every night for the past three years.
• Laughed and cried through thousands of chapters of many books with the little nightstand lamp turned on.
• Taken some pretty divine naps
• Cuddled with the two cutest cats in the world!

A living room where I've:

• Cuddled up for movie nights with Luke
• Laughed and cried and had some very deep conversations with friends
• decorated Christmas trees and celebrated three Christmas seasons
• Spent so much time de-stressing
• 

And a little yard where I've

• Talked and laughed around bonfires with friends and family
• Played in the snow
• laid out in the sun with my iPod and a good book on a lot of warm, spring days.

When I look at all the everyday things that go on in our little house, I realize that it is our home. Our own safe haven in a crazy world. The place where we connect, entertain, escape, and live.

So as much as I complain about our little house, I know that someday when Luke and I are sitting in our rocking chairs at a nursing home, I will look back at this house so fondly. It was really where we began and built our life together. As soon as we got married we began renovating it and making it ours. And then we lived our first married years here.

I wish we lived in a nice big house with a gigantic yard, cathedral ceilings, a big fireplace in the living room, a wrap-around porch, an enormous whirlpool bathtub, a roomy kitchen with a dishwasher, a garage, and a walk-in closet the size of my current bedroom. But if we lived in one, I guarantee that I'd be looking back on our first house and missing it.

It's all about perspective, and I'm choosing to see this house as the blessing it is. It's home to us, and therefore it's my favorite place to be :-)

Joyce Meyer Experience

The other day I mentioned that I went to see Joyce Meyer speak on Friday night with some friends. I have watched her show a few times, I'm reading through her Hearing from God Each Morning devotional this year, and one of my favorite nonfiction books is Battlefield of the Mind by her. Needless to say, I was pretty excited to see her live!

We didn't know what topic she would be speaking on until we arrived. Shortly before she began speaking, they announced that she would be speaking on some of the fruits of the spirit. My immediate thoughts were: I really hope she doesn't speak about patience tonight. Simply because it has been one my biggest struggles in the past few years, and I knew it was the one I probably needed to hear the most. Therefore my stubborn human nature sort of didn't think I would feel comfortable hearing about that topic.

So Joyce comes up to the stand and tells everyone that the fruits of the spirit we would be talking about that night were peace and, of course, patience. I knew I was about to be convicted :-P As much as the whole thing had me squirming in my seat because I could relate to EVERYTHING she said, I really loved that God knew what I needed to hear that night!

Anyway, the first half of her sermon was about peace. I thought it was awesome that in the beginning of January, I picked my word of the year to be "Peace" because of a devotion I had ready by Joyce Meyer, and here she was talking about it right in front of me :-)

And then came the "patience" portion of the sermon. Like I said, I felt like I could really relate to everything she said. She used James 1:2-4 as a big part of her sermon. That verse has been near and dear to my heart in my struggles for the past year-and-a-half. Ever since this post, actually (one of my very favorite posts I've ever written). It was just amazing to me how everything Joyce said totally resonated with me. She could have spoken all night long and it would have felt like just a few minutes!

I took notes during the evening (I practically wrote down everything she said. Ha!). Here are a few little one-liners that really got me thinking:

• "God's not nearly as interested in changing your circumstances as He is in changing you."
• "No peace = No power."
• "If what you're going through does not bring peace, then it's not God's will."
• "Face your faults, but don't focus on them."
• "God doesn't deliver us quickly; He works little-by-little."
• "When you're fully patient, the devil has no control over you"
• "Enjoy where you're at on the way to where you're going" (favorite quote of the night)
• "God makes us wait for the thing we want to see if we're mature enough to handle that thing."

Joyce talked a lot about being patient when we want something. She said that the waiting is what makes us stretch and grow. And she said that growing hurts. But that it is very important for us to go through that pain so God's work can be complete in us. I felt like she was talking directly to me when she said those things, and I felt a peace and a conviction in that moment.

Joyce's session mixed with Phil Wickham's worship set had me feeling hungry for The Word and passionate in my faith. It was a very inspirational night, and if you ever get the chance to see Joyce Meyer live, don't pass it up! She actually does a lot of free conferences like the one we went to, so there's no reason to miss it :-)

My 26th Year

I can't believe I am now 27 years old. I do not feel that old (not that that is old. I'm afraid my "Getting Older" post from last week may have come off as insensitive, and maybe even a little silly, and I apologize for that. 27 is not old!)

Anyway, as I reflect on my 26th year, God really did blow me away. On my 26th birthday, my wish was obviously for a baby. It was all I could think about at that point. And yes, we had had trouble so far getting pregnant, but I was sure I'd be pregnant by my 27th birthday! (don't worry, I'm not going to get all depressing on you again today, so don't stop reading if you're worried about that :-))

I thought maybe God was just trying to teach me a little bit of patience, but He would definitely fulfill my request at some point in the near future.

Totally clueless and arrogant, I never considered the possibility that God needed to change me - fundamentally, at the very core of my being - before I was ready to bring a baby into this world.

And I'm not saying that I'm anywhere near to the person that I have the potential of being. But let's just say God opened my eyes in the past year, and showed me that I was being arrogant. There were many areas in my life that needed a lot of work!! And some areas where I believe my heart was hardened.

Mainly, there was the area of jealousy. I had let jealousy of some of my best friends creep into my life. I really believe this gave Satan a foothold, and he worked it for all he could. I started to feel angry and closed myself off from them to the point where we could physically feel the tension and coldness every time we were together. I used every opportunity to make myself feel like the victim. I lived about 6 months of my life with very, very few close girl friends. I spent my time hanging out with Luke's guy friends, and they were fun. But God made us women to be such relational beings, and we need good girl friends! It is a very lonely place when you don't have many. And all of this was completely self-imposed!

Anyway, I was miserable. I had barricaded my heart off from these women simply because they had what I so desperately wanted. I felt that God had forgotten about me, and I was taking it out on them.

Sometime in the middle of the summer, these friends confronted me about the whole thing, and I could not be more glad that they did. It was uncomfortable and painful at the time, but growth isn't always comfortable. Anyway, God finally softened my heart around that time and now they are some of my best friends again. And He's been really working on me to get rid of my jealous feelings.

Satan is so sneaky. He completely sabotaged some lifelong friendships and had me believing I was totally innocent in the whole thing. I'm so glad my eyes were opened, and with God's help, I've worked through these things.

Anyway, this year was an amazing year of growth in my relationships. If God needs to take some more time to work on me and shape and mold me, I would rather He do that then just give me what I want, exactly when I want it.

As Joyce Meyer said on Friday night: sometimes God makes you wait for the thing you want so He can see if you're mature enough to handle it. A baby is a huge, life-changing responsibility! And I certainly don't want to bring one into the world until I have everything straightened out in my life. A year ago, I definitely had some growing and maturing to do. And maybe I still have a long way to go. But I'm thankful for the victories He had in my heart and life this year!

Week in Review

What a fun, full week I had!

Highlights:

~On Sunday my friend Lindsey was home visiting from Chicago. So I got to see her and spend an unexpected lunch with her and our families. It was so nice to catch up!

~Sunday night was the night we made donuts and passed them out at Trunk-r-Treat night at church. It was a fantastic evening although we all probably gained a few pounds ;-)

~Reggie Dabbs (an amazing, inspirational speaker) was doing sessions at our church and area schools this week. Luke was in the worship band each night. I went on Wednesday night, and it was great! (as always!) So many teens made the decision to be saved that night, and some adults too! It was awesome :-)

~On Thursday after a grueling test, Julie picked me up at school to take me out for a little early birthday sister-time during my break :-) We ate a delicious lunch at Penn Station, and then spent the afternoon at the Akron Zoo! It was totally deserted, being that it's November, and that made the day so much more fun! Seriously, we had the zoo all to ourselves. We could stay at the exhibits as long as we wanted and stand right up to the glass or cage or whatever instead of having to wait for a bunch of kids :-P And we could act like total goofballs and not have to worry about how silly we looked because no one else was around. It was excellent.

~Friday night was also excellent! I went with my aunt, cousins, and some friends from church to see Joyce Meyer in Cleveland!! And it was totally free! Can't beat that :-) Phil Wickham led worship, and it was great as well. It was so much fun, I learned so much, and had an amazing, amazing time with the 5 other ladies who went. A whole post is coming your way later this week about the experience. It was what I needed in so many ways: spiritually, and also, I think I really needed a girls night like that too :-)

~On Saturday Luke and I went with my aunt and uncle to a sports banquet for the school district from the city where Luke works. If you're new around here, Luke (and my uncle...hence the reason we went with them) works for the parks department (part of the reason we like the show Parks and Rec so much ;-)) and this year they built a football field at one of the parks for the elementary school football teams/cheerleaders. Luke and my uncle got recognized for that, and we all got a pretty good free meal, so that was nice :-)

~When Luke and I got home on Saturday night, we had a pretty low-key evening at home: watching a movie and just vegging out on the couch. Earlier in the day, I had finally added our extra, warm, "winter blanket" to the bed. And that warm, comfortable blanket along with the extra hour of sleep? Was heavenly. Seriously one of the big highlights of my week :-) It's the little things. My actual birthday is on Sunday, and I thought getting an extra hour of sleep that night was a pretty fantastic birthday present!

Last week was full of so many fun things! This week should be good too because it's my birthday, and that means I'm going to slowly start letting myself listen to some Christmas music! It's my rule every year!

Birthday Zoo Trip!

I have a break between classes on Thursdays, and yesterday I spent mine with my sister! We had a delicious lunch at Penn Station and talked about life, school, and Julie's upcoming trip to Ireland over Christmas break (so jealous!)

For my birthday, Julie got me an awesome gift! A Starbucks gift card, and this adorable travel mug she painted herself...

Complete with Gabby and Ellie!

Oh yeah, and it was filled with chocolate. Best gift ever!!

Since it was a nice day (in the 50s and not raining) we decided to spent the afternoon at the zoo! It was so much fun! All the animals were out, and we had the whole place to ourselves! Lately I've realized that I have this great video camera on my iPhone, and I don't use it much at all. So I took some pictures and some videos today, and put them all together:

Anyway, it was so much fun!! I love the zoo :-)

Happy Friday! TGIF!

Getting Older

My birthday is coming up this Sunday. I'll be 27 years old. I don't know how that happened, because I could have sworn I was just 22 yesterday.

Anyway, I think most of us would agree that birthdays are fun to look forward to no matter how old we get. And I still believe that to a degree.

When Luke and I decided we wanted to expand our family, I was 25 years old.

25 is a pretty young age to begin a family, all things considered. But when I hit my 26th birthday, we had been trying for 5 months with no luck. And I remember having this terribly panicked feeling on my birthday because I was 26 and still not pregnant.

And as a sidenote, I was in a much worse place then emotionally than I am now. I've heard people scoff at others who have only been trying for a few months who are frustrated about not being pregnant yet. But I think it's almost harder then, because at that point, you haven't learned to deal with this situation yet. When you want a baby, you want it now, so I totally feel for those of you who have only been trying for a few months. It's hard no matter how long it's been going on!

Anyway, my 26th year passed without a pregnancy. And now I'm going to be 27 without a baby, without being pregnant.

Most of the time I would say I'm in an excellent place emotionally, all things considered. Now that I have a serious goal that I'm working on (getting my SLP degree), I've been able to take my thoughts away from the obsession that comes with infertility. And I'm incredibly thankful to God that I'm going through this without the added burden of depression.

However, there are certain things that always cause me to backslide a little bit. They are:

1. Pregnancy announcements

2. Babies (sometimes) because they remind me of how bad I want one!

3. Taking a pregnancy test (I don't even want to know how many I've taken in the past 17 months. When you don't have a regular cycle anyway, you don't have the luxury of being "late" and knowing when to take a test).

4. Apparently, birthdays.

I've decided I'm not going to think about any of this stuff on my actual birthday. But just knowing that I'm about to be a year older and I'm still not pregnant freaks me out a bit. Because even though I'll be 27, unless I get pregnant in the next 3 months, I won't be a mom until I'm at least 28.

And 28 is practically 30.

And I want to have 4 kids, so is that going to be enough time?? (still holding out the hope that Luke will decide he wants 4 kids instead of 3 ;-))

And who knows how many birthdays I'll have before I get pregnant?!

I'm sure you could see how these snowballing thoughts could freak a person out. Logically, I know that I'm still very young. I did not write this post to freak anyone out who is older than me. But these are the crazy things infertility can do to your thought patterns!

So my goal for now is to stop worrying!! Birthdays are meant to be fun, not times of panic! If I've learned nothing else in the past 17 months, I've learned that you really can control your thoughts, and it is absolutely pertinent. No matter what you're going through, really.

Thoughts on Marriage

The past couple of days, Twitter has exploded with the news of Kim Kardashian's divorce after just 72 days of marriage. I'm pretty sure they were re-airing her wedding special just last week! On Twitter I've mostly seen jokes about it and even some people thinking the whole marriage was just a publicity stunt.

This got me thinking about marriage and what it has become. Our culture seems to be taking it less and less seriously as time goes on.

Matthew 19:1-10 says,

" ¹ When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. ² Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.

³ Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”

⁴ “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’^[a]5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’^[b]? ⁶ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

⁷ “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

⁸ Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. ⁹ I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

¹⁰ The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”

The definition of marriage is that two people unite and become one flesh. That is very serious!And later, the disciples even said that it's better not to marry because staying faithful and loving to someone for a whole lifetime is so difficult.

Marriage has become a disposable thing in our culture. Proof of this can be found in Vegas where spur-of-the-moment weddings occur; in the high divorce rates; and most recently, in the 72-day marriage of one of our culture's most well-known celebrities. I think we need to take this more seriously!

Source

In my opinion, we need to focus on some things to reverse this epidemic, like:

#1: Date for a long enough time to really get to know each other. I'm not saying it can't work if you don't date for a long time, but I feel that there is more likelihood of marriage working if you have dated for a good amount of time. At least long enough so that you've had a few fights. Learning to work through conflicts while you're dating will help you to know that it's not the end of the world if you have a disagreement after you get married.

#2: Take dating seriously. Don't settle! Know your set of deal-breakers. For example, when I was single, I knew I could never marry a man who: A. Didn't share my faith. B. Didn't want kids. C. Didn't have a good relationship with his family (how a man treats his family members shows you a lot about how he'll treat his future wife!) Don't get too specific or nit-picky with your standards, but once you've set a few major ones, don't bend or break them!!

#3: If you're a person who is freaked out by commitment and you don't think you could stay with the same person forever, then don't get married (verse 10). God does call some of us to single-dom.

#4: Once you are married, take divorce out as an option. Don't even think or joke about it. Marriage is hard!! It's a lot of work, and it takes a lot of compromise. Knowing that divorce is not an option will force you to work through your problems. And once you work through a problem with your spouse, even if it takes a long time, your relationship is always stronger once you've come through it.

Of course, there are extreme cases where divorce may be the only answer. As in the case of domestic violence or infidelity (verse 9). Although I have to say that even working through infidelity is possible. I know a few married couples who have done it, and I could not have more respect for them. I think it's amazing, and I hope I could do the same if I were ever in that position.

So I guess this whole 72-day wedding got me a little fired up! I think we need to be the generation that takes a stand and changes this trend!

What are your thoughts? Any other tips on how to make a marriage last?

And before I sign off, I have to plug my favorite marriage book one more time. Love and Respect by Emerson Eggrichs. This book has a wealth of information for both men and women on how to best love your husband or wife based on the ways we are different from one another.