Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Thoughts on Marriage

The past couple of days, Twitter has exploded with the news of Kim Kardashian's divorce after just 72 days of marriage. I'm pretty sure they were re-airing her wedding special just last week! On Twitter I've mostly seen jokes about it and even some people thinking the whole marriage was just a publicity stunt.

This got me thinking about marriage and what it has become. Our culture seems to be taking it less and less seriously as time goes on.

Matthew 19:1-10 says,

" 1 When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. 2 Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.

3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”

4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’[a]5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’[b]? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

10 The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”

The definition of marriage is that two people unite and become one flesh. That is very serious!And later, the disciples even said that it's better not to marry because staying faithful and loving to someone for a whole lifetime is so difficult.

Marriage has become a disposable thing in our culture. Proof of this can be found in Vegas where spur-of-the-moment weddings occur; in the high divorce rates; and most recently, in the 72-day marriage of one of our culture's most well-known celebrities. I think we need to take this more seriously!

In my opinion, we need to focus on some things to reverse this epidemic, like:

#1: Date for a long enough time to really get to know each other. I'm not saying it can't work if you don't date for a long time, but I feel that there is more likelihood of marriage working if you have dated for a good amount of time. At least long enough so that you've had a few fights. Learning to work through conflicts while you're dating will help you to know that it's not the end of the world if you have a disagreement after you get married.

#2: Take dating seriously. Don't settle! Know your set of deal-breakers. For example, when I was single, I knew I could never marry a man who: A. Didn't share my faith. B. Didn't want kids. C. Didn't have a good relationship with his family (how a man treats his family members shows you a lot about how he'll treat his future wife!) Don't get too specific or nit-picky with your standards, but once you've set a few major ones, don't bend or break them!!

#3: If you're a person who is freaked out by commitment and you don't think you could stay with the same person forever, then don't get married (verse 10). God does call some of us to single-dom.

#4: Once you are married, take divorce out as an option. Don't even think or joke about it. Marriage is hard!! It's a lot of work, and it takes a lot of compromise. Knowing that divorce is not an option will force you to work through your problems. And once you work through a problem with your spouse, even if it takes a long time, your relationship is always stronger once you've come through it.

Of course, there are extreme cases where divorce may be the only answer. As in the case of domestic violence or infidelity (verse 9). Although I have to say that even working through infidelity is possible. I know a few married couples who have done it, and I could not have more respect for them. I think it's amazing, and I hope I could do the same if I were ever in that position.

So I guess this whole 72-day wedding got me a little fired up! I think we need to be the generation that takes a stand and changes this trend!

What are your thoughts? Any other tips on how to make a marriage last?

And before I sign off, I have to plug my favorite marriage book one more time. Love and Respect by Emerson Eggrichs. This book has a wealth of information for both men and women on how to best love your husband or wife based on the ways we are different from one another.


  1. I love everything you wrote! It's how a long-term relationship/marriage should begin. Aaron and I both had a long talk about divorce before we got married and I said if it's something he could ever see himself wanting (or me wanting) than we should not get married. I'm thankful we were both brought up by good parents who have been married 27+ years.

  2. We need more people who actually think like this today. Marriage is a rare commodity in our society and, if you don't want to be married, it's so easy to get out of. So sad!

    Andrew and I both knew that divorce was never an option for us. Every marriage has hard times, but you have to be committed to each other and stand firm

  3. Great post, Jessica, and I agree with all your points! I especially like where you said that you should date long enough to have a couple of arguments - I always think it's good to have one good argument before you get married, because it's good practice for working through conflict, and it's good to see how the other person acts when they are mad.

  4. Jessica, I agree 100% with your points. Marriage is not a topic to take lightly. It is astonishing that the divorce rate is now over 50% for both Christians and nonChristians. God's opinion on the subject is getting lost with a generation that feels entitled to feel good and be happy. We give up too easily when things don't seem to be going 100% perfect in a relationship. My biggest pointers are don't ever use the word divorce (like you said) and don't expect your spouse to meet all your needs. Your spouse isn't going to make you feel complete or heal that empty feeling inside. Only God can do those things. There are areas that my husband fails at because I set unrealistic expectations for him in that arena, when really I should be turning to God for those needs. I absolutely love the Love & Respect book. I had an entire counseling class based on that as the text. I would recommend it highly. Such great concepts. Thanks for sharing!

  5. I so agree with this. You wrote it so well too. It's so sad that our society takes such a sacred thing so lightly. It's heartbreaking.
    Not to mention, that she spent 10million dollars on that wedding! That's like 5millions a month!


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