Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Christmas This Year

Christmas is absolutely my favorite time of year.

However, last Christmas and this Christmas have carried sort of a weird dynamic for me.

Last Christmas, lots of my family members and friends were bursting with pregnancy, and Luke and I had been ready to be in that place for 6 months. And this year they all have adorable little babies, and I've been waiting a year-and-a-half.

I can't log on to Facebook or Blogger without seeing a million photos of people making Christmas memories with their babies and children.

Like I've said, most of the time I've pretty much made peace with this situation. I am able to look past it and feel blessed in my life.

But I'm going to be completely honest and say that there are days when I just get really angry with God. I'm not proud of it, but it happens.

Those days are more frequent around Christmas time. I could be celebrating Christmas with a 9-month old! I could be busy buying fun presents for my baby's first Christmas. He or she could be sitting on Santa's lap for the first time this year. I could be dressing him or her in cute green and red outfits.

Just the other evening I was at a Christmas concert at my church and looked over and saw my cousins' babies clapping and dancing. The rest of the evening I was fighting the urge to run to the bathroom and bawl my eyes out because I want that so badly.

And then last night I had a dream that I had a little baby boy. And I woke up so miserable finding that it was just a dream. Again. Ugh, this happens at least every other week.

Stupid dream....
I'm being quite the downer today, right?

Well I guess that's my point. This is not what Christmas is about.

And it's going to be hard, but instead of dwelling on the baby I don't have, I need to focus on the baby that changed everything. The reason we celebrate this season.

Christmas is a wonderful time of year, but I can see how it might be painful for some people. People who have lost loved ones, those who are going through something like me, people struggling with loneliness, and others who are depressed.

I guess my point is, if you fall into any of the above categories, try to focus on the reason we celebrate the season instead of getting caught up in the details and dwelling on the sad things like I have.

Also, I think we all should really open our eyes this year and give our friends and neighbors - and heck, even especially our enemies - some extra love and prayers this time of year.


  1. I'm sorry Jessica. I know it must be especially hard around Christmas time, but I love how youa re trying to focus on Jesus and blessing others this Christmas! Love ya, Friend.

  2. I someone who struggled with being single for a while, it was really hard to see all of my friends celebrating with their husbands (or complaining about their husbands for whatever reason) around Christmastime. It's great for people to celebrate, but I do feel that people need to be more mindful if they can help it. :) And, it is good to remember to celebrate Jesus! :)

  3. I totally agree! I couldn't have said it all any better myself. It's hard this time of year to constantly see others celebrating Christmas with their children and wanting so badly to be sharing Christmas with your own children. Holidays in the midst of infertility is tough. We just have to keep the faith sweet friend and pray that our time will be here soon.


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