Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Another Lesson in Trust

Less than a month ago, I wrote about my struggle with trust.

It seems that I needed another lesson. Trusting God in the middle of uncertain times is one of the most difficult things to do. And I've been getting good practice in the past few months!

Going back to school was kind of a big risk for me. I went from having a full-time job and work everyday, to subbing three days a week. Subbing is a little more scary than having a full-time job, simply because you never know how often you're going to be called in. Hopefully it will be a lot, but you never know.

My friend told me a few months ago that this will be a really exciting time in my life because I'm putting myself out there and I really have nothing to fall back on except the Lord. I do believe she's right, but it's kind of scary now that I'm right out in the middle of it with no turning back!

Last night during class, another post-bac student started talking to me about getting in to grad school. The way the program works is that we have to apply to grad-school this semester in order to start the masters program next fall. So the deadlines for things like taking the GRE and finding letters of recommendation and all that fun stuff are coming very quickly.

As if that's not enough stress, this other student told me that she had been talking to one of the professors about how many people apply to the graduate program verses how many people actually get in. And I'm not going to share the numbers because I don't want to panic my family, but WOW. It was a lot : not very many. I've been told that as a post-bac student, and a student at the University of Akron, I probably have a better chance of getting into Akron's program than other people. And there are tons of other schools I plan on applying to as well, but it's still terrifying.

This other student and I talked for a while about the whole situation, and by the end of our conversation, I was in an all-out panic. What if I take (and pay for!) this year of post-bac classes and then can't get into the program? It would be such a waste of time and money! It's all I could think about during my night class, and even on the 45-minute drive home. I started second-guessing my decision to go back to school.

But I know that God has led me to this place, and I know this will sound cliche, but if He led me to it, He will lead me through it. There is no reason for me to waste time worrying when God is in control of it all. I just need to place this situation in His hands, and my trust in Him.

I tried to leave it at that last night. It was a struggle, but I tried to let go of the panic and worry I was feeling.

And then this morning, in my Joyce Meyer's devotional, I received a blessing, reassurance, and peace. It was about John 21 when the disciples fished all night long, but couldn't catch anything. And then Jesus came along and told them to cast their nets on the right side of the boat, and when they did, they had so many fish in the net that they couldn't even haul it up into the boat.

After reading that devotion this morning, I realized that I really have nothing to worry about. If this is where God wants me to be, He will put His blessing on this situation. I will get into grad school, and the perfect program for my situation if it is what He wants. And if it's not what He wants, then I won't. And I will be able to make peace with that and move on with my life. If nothing else, I will have learned a lesson in trust.

Throughout this process, everything has been working out pretty well, and I feel blessed. My schedule worked out perfectly so I can sub three days a week, and only have to drive to Akron two. I've made friends in my classes so far and have absolutely loved the content that I'm learning about. I took my first quiz yesterday and I'm pretty sure I aced it! Luke has even gotten all kinds of side jobs this summer and those have helped make ends meet when it comes to buying books and paying all the (outrageous) fees that college students have to pay. I guess what I'm saying is that so far God's blessing seems to be on this. When I first started thinking about going back to school, I prayed that God would open doors or close them according to His will. And so far, all the doors seem to be opening. So hopefully last night is the last time I will ever waste any time worrying about getting into grad school!

What are you worried about today? God would love nothing more than to take care of it for really don't have to waste another second in anxiety.


  1. Try not to stress friend. I know its tough and its hard to think about everything it entales but take it one day at a time :)

  2. Thank you so much for this post. I struggle with anxiety and trust EVERY DAY. Lately I have been having a very hard time because my husband lost his job...the anxiety and worry has been overwhelming...trusting in God is all we can do. He will provide and he is there for us. His plan is so much greater than ours, we just need to let him take over and we will be blessed. Thank you again for such a thoughtful post.

  3. Don't worry Jessica, I'm sure you'll get in! I think your attitude is great though - you're right, it's a great opportunity to practice trust!


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