For the past year since we got married, I have been pretty good about keeping babies OFF the brain. I have been trying to enjoy our life, just the two of us, for as long as it lasts. And I do love our life. I love the freedom we have to come and go as we please, be spontaneous, and get a good night's sleep every night. Every once in awhile I would get a strong yearning for a baby, but I would try to push it to the back of my mind.
However, this has been becoming very difficult lately! I was working at the welcome center in the children's section of our church this past Sunday, and I swear every other woman that walked through there had a baby bump! Not to mention, they were all wearing fabulous maternity clothes and just had that glow. to quote Elliot from Scrubs, "My uterus was glowing."
If anyone walked past me that morning that wasn't pregnant, it seemed like they were carrying an adorable baby. Seeing all that on Sunday morning, my yearning to have a baby became so strong that I could physically feel it. It won't go away this time!
The thing that sent me over the edge happened on Tuesday night. One of Luke's teammates brought his baby son and young daughter to the guys' softball games. The little girl had curly blond hair, and she was the sweetest, most adorable little girl. And the little boy had the biggest, most beautiful eyes. He kept looking over and smiling. Oh my gosh, I almost cried because I want one so bad! lol.
So what is going on? Why can't I get rid of this feeling?? I've been watching shows like A Baby Story, Bringing Home Baby, Birth Day, I Didn't Know I was Pregnant, Twins by Surprise, etc. Shows that I used to think were disgusting, and I couldn't bear to watch are suddenly FASCINATING to me. I used to be terrified of being pregnant and going through labor, but I'm starting to feel like any amount of sickness or pain will be worth it to bring a little baby into this world.
I always spend a lot of time at thenest.com, but lately I've been visiting thebump too, just for fun. Even though I'm years off from actually having a baby.
I guess this is normal for women my age. Maybe it's God's way of making us ready for childbirth, and to raise children. If we didn't have such a strong yearning for a baby, who in their right mind would go through such intense pain to get one?!
So that's all. Just venting once again. Our plan is to wait about 3 more years before we start trying, so I have awhile to be patient! I guess I will keep trying to push these thoughts out of my head, or I will never make it that long! Or maybe Luke will change his mind and decide he's ready sooner than that. I know I need to listen to him though, and it is smart to wait like he wants to.
Please tell me there are others out there who feel this way? I never thought I would be like this.
I TOTALLY feel this way! I cry about it sometimes, my heart hurts for a baby so bad! All in God's timing, but until that timing comes, I know how you feel. It can be such a yearning! (And the TV shows don't help either! I watch them too!)
ReplyDeleteI wish I could be as candid and up front as you are! I have the same yearning and have for about 8 months! Unfortunately all of my aunts/uncles/siblings/parents read my blog, so I try to keep it on the down low, lol. I think the best test of your desire, is to remove yourself from those TV shows and situations and see if you STILL want a child. Also, talk to your hubby, he might be more understanding than you think! Thanks for the post!
ReplyDeleteWe've only been married a little more than three months and I have been fighting these feelings ever since we got back from the honeymoon.
ReplyDeleteI agree watching all of those shows probably aren't helping your desire for children to go away. ;) Talk with Luke and tell him how strong your desire for children is and continue to let him know that you are desirous of children. Maybe God will make a change within him and you guys won't have to wait so long. :)
I WISH I felt like you, but gosh I am so anti-baby! The Baby Story gives me nightmares and loud kids at the pool make me crazy! haha, hey maybe you should go to the pool or grocery store and hear kids throwing tantrums, maybe that weill help?? =)
ReplyDeletelol Lindsey, I think that's a good idea!!
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone for your encouraging comments...glad I'm not the only one who feels like this!
Oh gosh...I have friends that feel this way but I definitely DO NOT. I love kids and my husband and I really want to have them but they would just NOT fit with our lifestyle right now.
ReplyDeleteI visit The Bump too, and I secretly pick out baby names that I like. and every time I feel a little under the weather I (deep down in my heart) almost hope that I'm pregnant. Even though I know in my head I'm not ready yet! So I know what you're going through!
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