Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Physical Touch

I'm continuing my love languages series today by writing about physical touch.

I'm going to be honest.  When I first heard about the love languages and what they were (quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts) my first thoughts were, "wait, isn't every man's love language physical touch?"  

The thing is, physical touch as a love language is not necessarily talking about physical touch that is "leading somewhere," if you know what I mean.  It could be as simple as a hug, a kiss, hand holding, or tickling.  

I believe that physical touch is my husband's primary love language.  It is honestly hard to pin down with him, because he is not very open, and he's a little hard to read.  That mysteriousness is one of the things that first attracted me to him, and it is also the thing that drives me crazy after 8 years (funny how that works.  Kinda like how Luke was originally attracted to my girliness, and I'm sure he thought my ditziness was cute back then, but now I think he's kinda sick of it).  I am on a tangent, so let's get back to the focus of this post: physical touch.  

The reason I think Luke's love language is physical touch is because when he gets home from work, I am usually in the kitchen getting ready to make dinner. He almost always sneaks up behind me and hugs me or tickles me.  He has always been a huge cuddler.  He likes to pick on me by poking me or tickling me.  So anyway, if your significant other does these things frequently, their love language just might be physical touch as well.  

I guess the major point of these love language posts is to say that we need to learn our spouse's love language so we can love them the best possible way.  It's hard sometimes, because my primary love language is quality time, and Luke's is physical touch.  We have to consciously remember what the other person needs, because it is not what we naturally give, if that makes sense.  

If you have a spouse whose love language is physical touch, make sure you are holding their hand, hugging them often, and just generally being physically close to them.  And if your love language is physical touch, don't hesitate to do those things to your spouse.  I know when Luke is poking me or tickling me, sometimes I just want to roll my eyes.  But then I remember that he's just showing me he loves me! 

Is your love language physical touch?  If so, do you have any tips for those of us whose spouses have physical touch as their primary love language?


  1. my husband and I have the same love languages as you guys! it is hard when you feel loved different ways because it's easiest to show love the way you best feel loved!

  2. My husband's love language is physical touch and words of affirmation. Although I feel like PT always leads to the bedroom. I'm trying to do practice his love language in other ways.

  3. My husband's love language is physical touch too. I grew up in a home where affection was rarely shown, so this has always been a challenge for me. I'm thankful for his reminder, Jessica, because it is so easy to forget how each person has different needs and expressions. Great post!

  4. My boyfriend of 6 months never tells me he loves me but he is constantly kissing my forehead rubbing my hair hugging me, tickling me etc. My past relastionships would always say it but were never very affectionate. I try to tell myself that even though he hasn't technically said he loves me, he shows me in ways that they did not. What do you think?

  5. To the anonymous commenter - it sounds like your boyfriend's love language is probably physical touch, and that's probably how he is showing you that he loves you. However, if it bothers you that he doesn't say it, I would confront him about it, and tell him you'd like to hear it. Of course, after 6 months, he might not be ready to say it yet if he never has before. I'd say, just keep the lines of communication open, and let him know what you're thinking or feeling about the whole thing :-)

  6. My love language is physical touch, and my husband's is quality time. As the wife who loves being touched, I will say--I really appreciate it when my husband touches me in NON-sexual ways! He makes a point of asking me what kind of touches are just loving, not necessarily sexual. We love cuddling together on the couch and just talking, which is a great way for BOTH of us to feel very loved. :)

  7. My primary love language is Physical affection. Hugs are always welcome. I especially like when my husband holds my hand, puts his arm around me, brushes the hair away from my face, kisses my forehead, neck, cheek or hand. My husband can say he loves me, but I feel loved by him more when I am "gathered to him". I prefer to be in the same room as him too. If I speak love to my husband in this same way, I have to remember moderation or he begins to feel smothered. I have to remember to speak to him with his love language, words of affirmation. I also have two teenage sons. The oldest is easy because his love language is also physical affection. I have to be more proactive with my younger son, though. His language is gifts. I have to remember to pick him up a pack of gum and put it on his keyboard. He feels loved when my husband takes him out for coffee. He never felt more loved than when we bought him a new bible last year and when I gave him a journal a few months ago. The dollar tree store is great for young kids, but when it comes to teens and adults you have to be more creative. But it's worth it.

  8. I always wrap my arms around my husband when he's cooking and claim that I'm "helping." ;)


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