Wednesday, August 12, 2009

It Happened.

So last night IT happened...I went crazy. I lost my mind for a moment. I let my baby fever get the better of me.

The night did not start out on a good note. For no known reason, I was a grump. I did not feel like doing anything. I was moping around and feeling sorry for myself all night. I could feel myself being annoying, but I couldn't stop it! By around 9:00, I was downstairs folding laundry and almost crying.

Luckily at 9:00, one of my new favorite shows was on: 18 Kids and Counting. I am fascinated by the Duggars, and how they make their life work. I thought the show might cheer me up a little bit (Michelle's cheerfulness is pretty contagious!)

Last night there were two episodes on TLC. I watched them both. During the second episode, there was a moment when Josh mentioned something about his wife, who is pregnant. And then he put both of his hands on her pregnant belly, and it was a really sweet moment.
How did I respond to said "sweet moment?" I burst into tears. I'm not talking about one or two solitary tears running down my cheek. I'm talking uncontrollable sobbing. Because I was jealous that Josh and Anna have been married no longer than Luke and I, and she has a baby on the way, and I don't. And I won't for years. Jealousy is an ugly thing :-P

You are probably so sick of hearing about how I want a baby. But maybe the fact that I freak our emotionally over THAT situation, should tell me that I'm not quite mature enough to have a baby! I can see now that I was being ridiculous, but at the time I was really upset!

Am I the only one that has emotional breakdowns like these about babies? I keep praying that Luke's and my desires about babies would align...that he would want to wait less time, or that I would want to wait longer. Or a little bit of both. Still waiting for that to happen, though! Until then, I'll have to work on being a little bit more like an adult, and less like a jealous little girl.
Moving on. How have I been spending my time this week? Packing and preparing for vacation Saturday?

Nope! (I'm right along with you, Callie :-)). To be quite honest, I haven't done much of anything this week. I seem to be in some sort of weird slump, that I hope to shake myself out of today! However, I have found a few blessings in this "blah" week.

On Monday night it stormed, which was kind of cool in itself. But the really cool thing was that we could see this outside our window afterwards:And that's only half of it. We could see the entire arc of the rainbow! But I couldn't get a picture of the whole thing. It was a blessing!

And another blessing was that yesterday I was able to go over to my friend Kristin's house and visit with her.
Did I mention that she has two beautiful shelties?? Bella and Baron
I really bonded with Bella. (PS, I was sporting my natural curls and my hair was not pulled back. This almost never happens! But will probably happen more now that I got it cut and discovered the miracle product. I think I'll share it tomorrow for all you curly-haired readers!)
If I could have any dog I wanted, I'd pick a sheltie. I LOVE collies, but everything's better when it's miniature! Too bad Luke wouldn't be interested in a dog with that long of hair that sheds :-/
Well I'm signing off for today. This is me kicking myself in the butt. I WILL clean the house and start packing today! I promise!


  1. Oh, I have so been there! I have actually cried over pregnant Anna Duggar, too! Because she's younger than me, married the same time as me, and pregnant with a baby I want to have too:( you're not alone, dear friend.

  2. Oh dear dear (blogging) friend,
    I had almost the exact same reaction while watching the show last night! Only, my husband was sitting next to me, so I held it together so he wouldn't think I was insane! Have you and your husband read "Grow Your Family?" It's awesome. I won it from Kelly's Korner and it really convicted me about not waiting until all of debt was paid off and life was perfect. Luckily it convinced my husband too! Now just to get insurance and we will be golden!

  3. I'm so glad I'm not the only person who has had this reaction...and to the Duggars, no less! (Josh and Anna, that is). I think it's something about their disgusting sweetness that makes them hard to handle, especially now that she's pregnant! (I'm only kidding).

    Brittney: Thanks for suggesting that book...I'll have to look it up on Amazon after vacation :-)

  4. You are not alone on the baby thing! When I found out Josh and Anna were pregnant I got a nice tense feeling in my chest, and I was almost upset about it. I kind of want a baby too. But I also want to wait a while. It's confusing. But I have those weird random longings too, and to be honest it's always a little hard to hear that one of my friends is pregnant, because I can't have a baby too right now. So yes, I know how you feel! *smile*


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