I want to start out this post by saying what a blessing our infertility prayer chain has been for me. I can't believe that we are already adding praises and seeing hope in these situations! Praise God! If you are going through infertility and would like to be added to our prayer chain, shoot me an email and let me know: mysomethingbeautifulblog {at} gmail {dot} com. Don't feel like you have to be struggling with diagnosed infertility to be added, either. I know for me that it was almost as difficult when we had just been trying for 5 or 6 months as it is now. No matter what your situation, we would love to pray for you!!
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I have been thinking a lot about fear today. There are a lot of bad things that go along with infertility, but fear is among the worst of them. Here is a glimpse into my thought patterns involving fear:
"What if it takes me a long time to get pregnant?"
6 months later...
"What if there's something wrong with me preventing me from getting pregnant?"
6 months and multiple doctor's appointments after that...
"What if I never get pregnant?"
"My friends all have kids now. What if we grow apart since our lives are so different now?"
"What if my husband starts resenting me because I'm not getting pregnant?"
"What if our parents start feeling sad because they aren't grandparents yet, and all of their friends already are?"
"What will I do with my life if I can't be a mom?"
"What if I can't adopt either?"
And on and on and on it goes. Along with these questions and fears come anxiety, anger, jealousy, and depression. Before you know it, you're sprawled out on the floor, having a panic attack, feeling hopeless, and crying hysterically.
Yeah, I've been there.
A person could pretty easily and quickly drive themselves crazy this way. And I am not proud of all the times I've done this to myself.
God commands us to trust Him, and when we let fear grip us, we aren't being obedient to His command.
As soon as I let go of my fears and hand them, once again, over to the Lord, everything changes. I feel hope, I feel confident to face anything, and my eyes are opened to all the blessings surrounding me. I feel lighter and my anxiety disappears.
You see, the only reasons I let those fears creep in are because:
A.) I want to wallow and have a pity party,
and
B.) I am trying to control things myself.
Those are both bad reasons. Because:
A.) I'm not five years old
and
B.) I shouldn't be controlling things. I should be letting God have control. Plus, fertility is something that cannot be controlled by me alone. In fact, the more I try to control it, the more stress I put on the situation. Stress is not good when you're trying to get pregnant.
There is no reason for me to let fear grip me and control me the way it has in the past. And I'm taking a stand today to say that I'm not going to let it grip me or control me anymore!
Who's with me?
Beautiful post, Jessica. You worded it just right and I believe your life is going to be blessed by how you are ministering to others.
ReplyDeleteAmen! You are so right Jessica, and I love this post! Do you mind if I add it to my sidebar? I have alot of readers who are trying to get pregnant or who are stuggling with worry about something, and I think this post is so encouraging - it's encouraging to me!
ReplyDeleteThanks for these words of encouragement. :) And thanks for recognizing those ladies who have been TTC for 5-6 months and are struggling. Those months were the hardest in some ways, because you hadn't "earned" infertility status, but you just feel like something isn't right and you worry about the future, but can't do anything about it.
ReplyDeleteSo beautifully written Jessica. I am always trying to control every circumstance in my life, and if I can't I freak out for a while before I remember that I need to leave it up to God. What a great reminder of that you are today :-) Thank you so much for sharing it.
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